When you’re the one everybody calls, people get used to hearing, “I’ll handle it.” And sometimes you say it before you’ve even looked at your calendar.
You’re fitting a call about your loved one’s care into your lunch break, getting dinner together after work, and trying to remember which bill still needs to be paid. By the time somebody asks how you’re doing, “I’m good” comes out before you’ve had a chance to think about it.
If that sounds familiar, here’s something I want you to hear. You can love your family and still need someone else to handle Thursday.
Give somebody a whole task
“Let me know if you need anything” can be a kind offer. It also puts you in charge of figuring out what to ask for. Start with the thing you’re already trying to squeeze in.
Try, “Can you pick up the groceries Thursday and drop them off before six? I’ll send you the list.” Or, “Can you stay with Mom Saturday from ten to noon? I’d like a couple of hours to myself.”
If somebody can help regularly, give them a task they can own. There’s a difference between asking your sister to bring dinner this Wednesday and knowing she’s got Wednesday dinner every week. That’s one less decision you have to make when you’re already tired.
Make the handoff easy to find
Think about what someone would need if you were in a meeting and couldn’t answer your phone. Who should they call? Where’s the appointment information? What time does your loved one usually eat? Where can an authorized family member find the bill due dates or the paperwork they need?
Start with one page. Write down the essentials for the task you’re handing over and share those details with the person helping. Keep sensitive documents in a secure place and tell the people authorized to use them where to find them.
A handoff can be as simple as a note on the kitchen counter with the afternoon routine and the number to call if plans change.
Give yourself permission to use the time
When you finally get an hour, you might want to catch up on laundry or sit down with your own budget. You might want to get a pedicure, watch a show, or drink your coffee while it’s still hot. Whatever you choose, that hour is yours.
Start here this week. Pick one task that would make your week easier, choose one person to ask, and give them a day and time. If you’re used to doing everything yourself, sending that first text is a step worth taking.
If paperwork is the part that keeps landing back on your plate, my free Caregiver Important Documents Organizer can help you get started. Visit Becoming Her Financial to find the guide, and start with the one document somebody always has to call you to find.