Lately, it’s been hard to focus. My head feels like it’s running a million miles an hour, filled with ideas of things I want to do—but either my body won’t let me, or my brain zones out and I lose track. It’s frustrating to have so much I want to create or accomplish but feel stuck in this foggy space of “not now.”
One thing that has been helping me is the weekly challenge in a Facebook group I’m part of. I really enjoy it because it gives me structure. Even if everything else feels scattered, at least I know I’ll have one pattern finished each week. It’s like a small anchor in the middle of the chaos.
Now that the kids are back in school, the house is quieter during the day. My husband has been working 12-hour shifts and doesn’t get home until 7 p.m., so I’ve had to step up on cooking (he’s normally our family chef!) and handling more around the house. But getting the kids to pitch in? Let’s just say they aren’t exactly motivated to do anything they don’t want to do. So, a lot of it falls on me.
I keep telling myself—I need a routine. A solid one. Something I can set and actually follow. Without having a “job” to clock into, I feel a little lost. I don’t know what my body has planned for me in the future, and that uncertainty weighs on me. Right now, I’m waiting for surgery to have a spinal stimulator placed near my spine, and honestly… it’s not something I want to do. I cried my eyes out telling my kids that sometimes in life we have to do things we don’t want to do—even as adults. That’s life.
So, welcome to my hot mess express. It’s not perfect, and I’m not either, but I’m showing up anyway. And for now, that’s enough.