Narcissists have an unrealistic high opinion of who they think they are. This trait typically manifests itself in someone who is so preoccupied with their own reflection that they show little care or compassion for those around them. A high-level narcissist is someone who exhibits extreme self-centeredness, a grandiose sense of their own importance, and a deep need for admiration, but they often mask their insecurities with charm and manipulation. Unlike more obvious narcissists, high-level narcissists can be highly intelligent, strategic, and socially skilled, using these traits to control and influence others while avoiding detection. They tend to love-bomb early to hook people in, then gaslight to confuse and erode confidence, deflect accountability by flipping blame, and use emotional control to maintain power over relationships. If you find yourself in a relationship with a high-level narcissist, it is important that you do not feed their narcissism. By this, I mean that you should not engage in their antics or give them any attention. They are nothing, as long as you show them that you are not bothered. They will exploit your vulnerabilities and then use them to their advantage. You need thick skin and a healthy dose of self-esteem to handle a high-level narcissist, or they will destroy you. They can't stand to see you content, so keep a positive outlook at all times. If someone is trying to provoke you, you should always have a positive update and ignore them. Do not feed it anything, such as unstable emotions or irrational conduct. Every time, they will tell you that you are being oversensitive or that you are overreacting to the situation. They thrive on the anguish you feel, and the only one they care about is themselves. Let them see that this isn't a show about them. When they realize that the situation is not about them, they will attempt to put you in an awkward position in order to alleviate the discomfort they feel whenever they are not the focus of attention. They will escalate the situation and make additional attempts to get under your skin, but you should not take it personally because that is just who they are. Here's a real-life example of how a narcissist operates around others. A woman we'll call Renee was part of a close-knit group chat with co-workers. One member, Travis, constantly redirected conversations to himself, often mocking others in the process. If someone shared good news, Travis would immediately undercut it with sarcasm or a subtle jab: “Well, must be nice to have all that free time to write a book. Some of us actually work.” Renee, at first, tried to defend herself, hoping Travis would back off. Instead, he doubled down—twisting her words, calling her "too sensitive," and painting himself as the victim of her overreaction. After months of emotional exhaustion and feeling like she was walking on eggshells, Renee stopped feeding it. She stopped defending, stopped reacting, and only responded with short, neutral messages. Eventually, Travis got bored. His jabs stopped when they no longer earned applause or outrage. The group dynamic shifted—and so did Renee’s peace of mind. Travis wasn’t looking for connection—he was looking for control. Once Renee stopped engaging emotionally, his power dissolved. Not feeding the narcissist doesn't mean you're passive. It means you're protecting your peace. Respond with minimal emotion or detail. Stay boring, unemotional, and detached to avoid feeding their need for drama. Accept that you can’t change them. Your goal is not to prove a point—it’s to protect your energy. If possible, reduce communication. In extreme cases, cutting off all contact is the healthiest option. Do not, under any circumstances, feed into the needs of a high-level narcissist. Should you choose to engage in such behavior, it will drain your energy while simultaneously shifting the blame for everything onto you. For example: Maya had been dating Matt for almost a year. At first, he swept her off her feet—lavish compliments, spontaneous gifts, and constant attention. He told her she was “the one” within weeks. But once Maya was emotionally invested, Matt began to change. He criticized the way she dressed, calling it “suggestive” or “immature.” When she got a promotion at work, instead of celebrating, he scoffed and said, “Must be nice to get things handed to you. I work twice as hard and never get noticed.” If Maya brought up her feelings, Matt would immediately turn the conversation around: “You’re making everything about you. You never ask how I feel.” When Maya cried or tried to explain her emotions, he’d say she was “overreacting,” “dramatic,” or “crazy.” Over time, she began to doubt herself. She apologized constantly and stopped sharing her thoughts out of fear of being attacked. Matt also flirted with other women and, when confronted, accused Maya of being paranoid or insecure: “If you trusted me, you wouldn’t even be asking that.” Eventually, Maya realized that Matt wasn’t looking for a partner—he was looking for a mirror. Someone to reflect back his greatness, to never challenge him, and to absorb the blame for his bad behavior. This kind of narcissist often starts by love-bombing—showering their partner with excessive affection, compliments, and attention to quickly build emotional dependence. Once trust is gained, they begin to gaslight, using manipulation and denial to confuse their partner and erode their confidence. When conflict arises, they rarely take accountability; instead, they flip the blame and make their partner feel responsible for everything that goes wrong. Through subtle emotional control—like guilt-tripping, stonewalling, or passive-aggressive behavior—they maintain power in the relationship, ensuring that their needs are always prioritized while their partner’s voice is steadily silenced. They will drain the life force out of you, and they will take pride in their ability to do so. In addition to this, a high-level narcissist will play games with your perception of reality in order to gaslight you. They will try their best to make it seem like you are incompetent or do not know what you are talking about, so you need to have a strong mind and always make sure you have receipts. They would rather not have their assumptions challenged, so stand your ground and stay confident. Because they are only concerned with expressing themselves, they will never respect what you have to say because it is always about them. And when they are actively listening to what you have to say, their goal is to record it so that they can use it against you at a later time. Therefore, you should proceed with extreme caution when opening up to them. They are not the best at offering psychological support in times of need. Consequently, it is essential to know who you are dealing with and deal with them accordingly—or don’t deal with them at all. When dealing with a high-level narcissist, the majority of people will advise you to establish boundaries, which is correct, but it’s easier to say than to actually do because they have a hard time separating themselves from this character. They would almost certainly require the assistance of a specialist. So don’t engage. Don’t defend. Don’t explain. Let them crave the spotlight without your attention. Let their games fall flat. Let their ego starve. As long as you’re not feeding it, it will go hungry.
