Have you ever started to see yourself through someone else’s eyes—and it didn’t feel like you? Maybe someone called you “too emotional,” “lazy,” “difficult,” or “not good enough,” and over time, you started to question who you really are. The truth is, other people’s perceptions can weigh heavily on us. But that doesn’t make them facts. You are not the version of yourself that lives in someone else’s mind. You’re allowed to grow beyond the boxes people put you in.
Whether we like it or not, people form opinions about us all the time—sometimes without even truly knowing us. A single comment, glance, or assumption can turn into a label we never asked for. And when those labels are repeated enough, they can start to stick—not just in other people’s minds, but in our own. Being misunderstood feels like someone is reading the wrong script of your life but judging your performance anyway. Being misjudged is worse—it’s having your actions twisted into meanings that don’t reflect your truth. And being constantly criticized, even under the guise of “help,” can slowly chip away at your confidence.
What starts as an outside opinion can quickly become an inside voice:
- "Maybe I really am too much.”
- "Maybe I’m not doing enough.”
- "Maybe I’m the problem.”
The danger lies in internalizing someone else's version of you—especially when their view is filtered through their own insecurities, jealousy, or misunderstanding. Their lens is not your truth. Still, it can feel nearly impossible to separate your real self from the reflection they project onto you.
But it is possible.
It doesn’t happen all at once. Little by little, we absorb the things people say about us—especially when they’re said often, or come from people we care about. It could be a parent who never believed in you, a partner who constantly criticized, or friends who made you the punchline too many times. Eventually, their words stop sounding like opinions and start feeling like truth. That’s how the wrong story begins to write itself inside you. You might stop going after opportunities because you’ve been told you’re not capable. You might downplay your ideas because you’ve been labeled “too intense” or “too sensitive.” You might stay silent in rooms you were meant to lead in because someone once made you feel small. The worst part? You don’t always realize you’ve internalized these stories until you’re already living within their limits.
When someone else’s opinion becomes your self-perception, it affects everything—your self-esteem, your sense of identity, and even the choices you make. You begin to live a life edited by someone else’s expectations, someone else’s insecurities, someone else’s version of who you’re “supposed” to be.
But none of that is truly you.
You don’t have to carry a story that was never yours to begin with.
Breaking Free From the Mirror
There comes a moment—quiet or explosive—when you realize:
“That’s their perspective, not my truth.”
And that moment is the beginning of freedom.
Breaking free from the mirror others hold up to you means rejecting the idea that their opinion is more valid than your lived experience. It means questioning the internalized voice that sounds suspiciously like someone who never really saw you. It means remembering that you’re not obligated to play a role someone else cast you in.
So how do you start rewriting the story?
- Journaling allows you to untangle your thoughts and find your own voice beneath the noise.
- Affirmations help rewire the way you speak to yourself, replacing harsh echoes with healing truth.
- Self-awareness teaches you to recognize when you're acting out of fear or conditioning—and gives you the power to choose differently.
- Therapy provides a safe, judgment-free space to explore where the false narratives started and how to let them go.
- Protecting your peace sometimes means stepping back from those who continue to reflect a distorted version of you.
It’s not always easy. Sometimes it feels like rebuilding yourself brick by brick—but at least this time, the foundation is yours. You don’t need to fight for anyone’s permission to be who you are. You just have to remember you’re allowed to define it for yourself. Your Identity Is Yours. You are not here to be palatable. You are not here to be what others expect. You are not here to shrink yourself so others feel more comfortable. Your identity is yours—not theirs to mold, label, or dismiss. When you reclaim your sense of self, you stop performing for approval. You stop explaining your worth. You stop asking people to see you clearly, because you’ve already done the work to see yourself clearly. And that is more than enough. The truth is: not everyone will understand you. Not everyone will like you. Some will project, judge, misunderstand, or reject. Let them.
You weren’t made to fit into someone else’s limited view. You were made to evolve, expand, and become—on your own terms. So walk in your truth, even if it makes some people uncomfortable. Because nothing feels better than finally being free to be exactly who you are. You don’t owe anyone a version of you that makes them feel more in control. You owe it to yourself to be whole, be honest, and be free. No one else gets to tell your story—you do. So, take the pen back. Write it in your own voice. And never let their perception become your truth again.