If I could have an honest moment. As a mother who has lost a child unexpectedly I can say the holiday's are joyful because I focus on the love ones still here with me. However, I would be lying if at times between Nov 1st and January 1st I do not experience sadness. I have selfish moments or days where I wish my reality was a a horrible dream and my baby girl was her with us enjoying the holiday's.
When you lose a love one no matter how many years goes by, the hurt of missing them never goes away. Through the smiles and laughter you can't help but think of them. Imagine a person face at the dinner table or around the tree opening gifts. Their laughter amongst the family jokes and the family games they would play. These thoughts and feelings should not make you shame or feel like your anything but a grieving person dealing with your grief your way and not to please anyone else.
During the holiday's we must face it some people are experiencing dark days and dark nights. Dealing with not only the loss of a love one but maybe stress from work, family or even the struggle of pretending to be whole, when in reality you're not ok. Often we try to be someone we are not and this could push us in an unpleasant space around the holiday's. Do me a favor and check on everyone in your family, friend circle and maybe a co-worker. Those that pretend to be well may not be well. Watch out for signs of inconsistent communication and step in and show them although you may or may not understand their pain, you're there for them.
Often people just want to know they have a support system with no judgement, and they can trust. Someone with a shoulder to lean on, cry on and an ear to listen to as well. A support system can be several people or maybe just 1 person that makes time to pick up the phone to call you and check on you, take time to ask you out to lunch to put eyes on you, and someone with compassion for your situation.
Remember Grief is a normal and natural reaction to loss and individual experiences of grief vary and no one person grief maybe the same. Therefore, don't compare how you feel to someone else and how they're dealing or dealt with their personal loss.
No matter holiday's or non holiday's - Grief is undeniable hard and we must deal with it in an health way. Seek counseling and stay with it until you have the tools to help you cope daily and even through the holiday's. Create a support system so that during times like the holiday's you're able to lean on others during the hard times. Focus on the good memories and the love ones still around you and take some of the focus off of the love one that is no longer with you. Practice lots of self-love and self-care, understand when rest is needed to recharge.
Thank you for attending my TED talk and I hope my thoughts and experiences can encourage you during these times.
See you on the next post - Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!!