Generally, people function better in the world when they’re provided choices. As opposed to having no choices, or options, reaching their goals become easier to obtain.
Yes, implying that having choices is a better option than none seems like a very cliché thing to say, of course. However, what many people fail to understand is that they’re responsible for creating their OWN choices. No one else can do that for them.
Regardless of which goal you’re trying to achieve, by widening the horizon of paths to reach it, you’re raising the likelihood of being successful. Choices are nothing more than ideas. The more ideas we have, the more choices we can create.
In other words, instead of looking at your life or career in a linear fashion, try breaking each piece into separate ideas.
Let’s say your primary goal is to find your soulmate, get married, have children, and be settled in no more than FIVE years. Some of us experienced individuals just read that line and choked! Either way, it’s not impossible, and if it’s YOUR goal, go for it!
So where do you start?
You decide to start by using a dating app to find your soulmate. Yes, some of us just choked up on that one, too, I know this.
So let’s say that you are completely unsuccessful finding a person to date on a dating app. Now, some of us will lose hope and maybe quit altogether at this point. Here’s where re-framing the mindset and creating new choices become very valuable.
What are our choices? To quit? To give the app one more try?
How about we switch gears and open the horizon of choices? Maybe you can go to the library to find someone? Maybe a coffee shop? Maybe you can start going to group meetings, or even networking events? The options are almost unlimited.
Now, let’s say that you do finally find that perfect person to settle down with. By opening up your choices, you were able to complete your goal. Though this was effective, let’s be even more proactive about creating choices.
Moving on, you and your significant other begin conversations about having children. Right HERE is the perfect time to start creating choices. Put them all out on the table before time starts working against you.
What if you find out you can’t have children?
What if your partner can’t have children?
Would you both be okay with adoption?
By creating more paths to reach the outcome we’re seeking, we’ll naturally drive down our mental anxiety. Let’s say you discovered that you can’t have children, and you must adopt. Though this was not your original choice, it will still fill the place of your previous step, and now you’re still moving forward in your life.
By asking these questions and elaborating on ideas, we are creating as many choices as possible. Therefore, if your primary goal is to be settled with a family in five years, you’re prepared to reach it no matter the situation.
Let’s say the lease is ending on your apartment soon, and you’d really like to find a nice, little house to settle down in.
Well, what if you can’t get approved for a home loan? What will you do?
Should you consider staying in the same apartment, and just extending the lease?
Do you believe that moving to a NEW apartment would be healthier due to the change of atmosphere?
What type of home-buying plan should you put together, and how long will it take to pull off? Does this timing coincide with your potentially new apartment lease?
Let’s add AS MANY CHOICES AS POSSIBLE. The end result you are shooting for is the overall happiness for you and your partner. By breaking down each step, analyzing every aspect, and building as many options as possible, you’re increasing your chances of success and happiness. If you stick to the same ole script and plan, you’ll cause damage by simply restricting your limitations.
What if you found out that your spouse has been cheating on you? What are your choices?
If you’re married, do you divorce?
How about couples therapy? Do you believe that would suffice, or would it not do the trick?
Should you separate for a few weeks or months? Do you believe this would correct any internal issues going on?
I’m not implying there is any right answer to this scenario, but simply that having more choices allows the flexibility that’s required for many tough situations.
Remember, “CHOICES are better than NO CHOICES”.
As simple as this sounds, it requires practice. Start breaking down your choices today. Practice on issues that require very little thinking, like choosing a place to eat. Practice on tougher issues, like walking your children through the steps of picking their future career.
Either way, PRACTICE CHOICES.