Before we dive into the topic of physically disciplining children, you must understand that this is another controversial topic, yet again. Our culture and upbringing play a big part into our approval or lack thereof in terms of Corporal Punishment.
Therefore the golden question for parenting is should you spank your child or not?
How about this question; “is it necessary”? That’s a better question. The answer to that question is, generally, NO. I understand that people who are in favor of “spanking” will immediately see that answer, roll their eyes, and scroll on. However, before you dismiss the entire argument, don’t you think it would be fair to at least read it through?
I think where a lot of people get confused is that they correlate “discipline” with “spanking”. These are two separate things. Though spanking can be a pathway to discipline, it’s typically the easier and less-successful path.
Children respect discipline. They respect knowing there are boundaries, and that there is an overseer/protector to enforce them. Through observation we can conclude that children who lack discipline tend to excel in insecurity. Not only for their childhood, but strong into their adult life as well.
During the ages of two through six are very important for children. This is a period, in which, they are grasping to learn EVERY basic foundation of life. How to walk, use the restroom, respond to their name, read, and most importantly, understand the dangers of life. For example; falling off of a bed.
The concept of having consequences is extremely important to instill during this time frame. In regard to discipline, this is the period that the child understands AND respects the parental figures as a guardian.
In addition, these are their first years of attempting to communicate with others. With communication being KEY to every relationship issue, it’s vital to approach this correctly.
Something I have learned through many leadership courses is that you can begin this leading relationship in a more firm position, then relax as time passes. However, you can’t start off as a parent or leader in a very relaxed position, then tighten it up at a later time. You will lose respect. You will not be taken seriously.
With firmness, I am not insinuating to physically strike a child.
If your parenting requires you to physically strike a child, maybe it’s time to face a HARD fact. Your communication skills are lacking. This, unfortunately, is not that abnormal. Humans are primal by nature. In other words, “hit it until it works”. However, children are not VCRs. VCRs can’t carry trauma, lack of respect, etc. Children absolutely can. We must also ask ourselves, “why would I want to STRIKE this beautiful creature I have helped create”? Most of us can agree that we don’t WANT to. Then why do people do it? Back to the first question; is it necessary?
No.
Knowing that children are eager to soak up information about life and the world, it’s imperative to make them understand WHY something they did is wrong. Have you considered speaking to them?
It’s surprisingly easy. Unfortunately, many of us are stuck in that mindset that spanking a child is required to instill discipline. From our parents, from their parents, and so on and so forth. But is it so?
No.
Maybe your communication lacks but you refuse to practice corporal punishment? Well, there are options. Have you tried directing their attention from a negative to a positive? Studies show that when an unruly subject is tasked with a project, thus… putting them into a leadership-type role, their attitude and compliance changes on a DIME.
Example:
Your five-year-old will not stop writing on the walls with crayons. Therefore you approach them with a “very special” role of being the Wall Inspector. Hypothetical, but FILL IN THE BLANK for your current issue. Anyhow, the child will change their attitude. Now they are in FULL responsibility of the walls throughout the home. This is THEIR job they are tasked with. They carry it with a badge of honor. In this scenario, do you think this child continues to draw on the wall with crayons?
Highly unlikely.
I’m quite sure the majority of parents that spank their children feel horrible afterward, but, it’s important to also understand that, according to the American Psychological Association, spanking children can lead to increased aggression, antisocial behavior, and other mental health issues. In fact, there were no differences in comparing child-related trauma with children that were “spanked” and children that were “physically abused”.
At minimum, it is something to think about.
With that being said, and taking a step outside of the MICRO frame and looking at this issue from a MACRO frame, I have found an interesting observation;
Many times we will hear, “ when I was a child, my BUTT got torn up on a daily basis”. This type of statement typically comes from a person that promotes corporal punishment.
HOWEVER, and coincidentally enough, this is the SAME generation of individuals that are unsatisfied with the younger generation below them.
QUESTION; Who raised the generation below them?
In summary, for most controversial issues surrounding society, sometimes it’s just better to look in the mirror. Face the facts. Face YOUR facts. Take advice when you get it, do your best, and most importantly… raise the youth in the BEST possible way you can.