I love her. I want to share every bit of my exciting news, to see her smile, to feel her warm embrace, but will she receive me with open arms, or will I leave with regret and a heart weighed down by more resentment? I promised myself the last time I was done, but she’s my mother.
Why can’t she love me as her daughter, without making me feel like I’ve done something wrong? I catch myself shrinking, silencing my voice to keep the peace. This toxic people-pleasing—it all started with her. I used to think that if I just played nice, she’d finally meet me with kindness instead of cutting words. I crave a healthy relationship with my mother, but why does it have to feel so complicated? I’m not her competitor. Maybe it’s better this way, better to distance myself, better not to let her drag me down into those feelings of inadequacy. But is this normal? How do we even begin to break the cycle of toxic mother-daughter relationships?
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How did it start, this wall that now stands between us? It’s hard to understand how the woman who brought me into this world can be so cold, so dismissive. I often wonder if she resents me, if her anger is somehow tied to my very existence. Some days, I just want to call her, to share my love and my life, but I’m left feeling empty. Other times, I imagine planning a trip for us, creating memories together, only to picture her distant gaze, that look that makes me feel like a stranger.
All I’ve ever wanted is the warmth of a mother, to feel safe in her arms. But that feels like a fantasy, something that will never become my reality. I can’t remember the last time I felt her embrace or the warmth of her energy. Of all the healing I’ve had to do, this one, this mother wound, is by far the hardest. I’ve come to understand that people can’t give what they don’t have. But I wonder why she couldn’t find the tools to pour into me, to give me what I needed as her daughter.
If you’re someone healing a mother wound, know this: you can’t change the other person. No amount of love or effort will fill a heart unwilling to open. But you can break the cycle. You can do better with your own children, with your own heart. I pour unwavering, unconditional love into my daughters. I give them the kind of love I never received, and I nurture myself, too. I’ve learned to parent the inner child within me, the one who still yearns for a mother’s love. I’ve become that source of love and validation for myself.
Healing is hard, but it’s also a powerful act of self-love. Breaking the cycle is a way to show ourselves, and our children..that we are worthy of the love we never received. If you’re on this journey, remember, you’re not alone. You are capable of giving yourself the love you deserve.
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