I was convinced this one was mine.
The client had come through a referral. We had met twice. He was serious — the kind of buyer who asks the right questions, shows up on time, and does not waste your afternoon. He wanted a property in Nairobi’s suburban corridor. I had exactly what he needed.
I had done my homework on the property. I knew the price per square foot. I knew the developer’s track record. I could answer every technical question he threw at me without blinking.
What I did not do was listen.
Not really.
He had mentioned — once, briefly — that his wife was not yet convinced about the location. He said it casually, the way people say things they do not think you are paying attention to. I noted it somewhere in the back of my mind and moved on. I kept selling the property. The specs. The value. The potential return.
Three weeks later he called to tell me he had signed with someone else.
A different property. A different agent. A different location — actually further from town, which made no logical sense based on everything he had told me he wanted.
I sat with that for a long time.
Then it hit me. The other agent had not sold him a property. They had sold his wife a home. There is a difference — and I had missed it completely.
What That Deal Taught Me
1. The person across the table is rarely the only decision maker.
In real estate especially — and in almost every B2B sale I have done across construction, roofing and consulting — the person you are presenting to is not always the final voice. There is always someone else in the room who is not in the room. A spouse. A business partner. A board. A parent. If you do not ask who else is involved in this decision you are selling to half the table.
2. A casual comment is never casual.
When someone mentions a concern and then moves on quickly — that is not them dropping it. That is them testing whether you care enough to pick it up. I should have stopped everything when he mentioned his wife’s hesitation and asked one question: What would make her feel confident about this decision? That single question would have changed the entire conversation.
3. Logic closes deals in boardrooms. Emotion closes deals in homes.
I was selling a real estate investment. He was buying a place his family would live in. Those are two completely different decisions dressed in the same clothes. I approached it with data when I should have approached it with understanding. People do not buy the best option. They buy the option that feels right. My job was to help it feel right — and I never tried.
4. Following up on the product is not the same as following up on the person.
After our second meeting I sent him property documents, comparative market data and a breakdown of projected returns. Professional. Thorough. Completely missing the point. I never asked how his wife was feeling about the decision. I never offered to arrange a site visit that included her. I followed up on the transaction and forgot about the human being.
What I Do Differently Now
Before any significant meeting I ask myself three questions:
Who else will influence this decision that I have not met?
What has this person mentioned that I have not fully explored?
What does the person behind this person need to feel comfortable?
Those three questions have changed how I sell, how I consult, and honestly how I listen in every conversation — business or personal.
The deal I lost cost me a commission. But the lesson it gave me has been worth far more than any single transaction.
The best salespeople I know are not the best talkers. They are the best listeners. Not the passive kind — the active kind. The kind who catch the thing you said in passing and bring it back two minutes later because they understood it mattered.
That is the skill nobody teaches you. You have to lose something important to learn it.
Paul Okuta is the Managing Partner of OKUTTA’S CONSULT — a Nairobi-based consulting firm specialising in Real Estate, Marketing, Business Consulting and Insurance & Investments.
For business inquiries: paul.okuta@okc.co.ke | okc.co.ke
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