Having listed the reasons why anyone who wants to become a good seducer should learn how to approach a woman, let's look at the first problem that usually arises: approach anxiety.
What is approach anxiety?
It is a negative feeling that occurs whenever we want to approach a woman we do not know.
It can be more or less strong depending on a number of factors such as self-confidence, the mood of the moment, the situation, the girl we want to approach, etc. etc.
The points of the body where the sensation becomes more intense are the belly or the chest, where a strong tension can be felt.
It is very peculiar to note that approach anxiety is only there when we have to meet unknown women, to approach girls we do NOT know, but if the girl is introduced to us the anxiety turns into something different and much more manageable.
WHAT IS IT?
Let's start right away by saying that it has nothing to do with how anxiety is generally understood; instead, it is a fear that generates a feeling of high tension.
Each feeling has its own reason for existing: we are afraid of heights because we would die if we jumped off a cliff, we are disgusted by food gone bad so we don't eat it and stay healthy, we are attracted to a woman because in this way nature guarantees the continuation of the species.
The question then arises:
where does approach anxiety come from?
If I approach a woman, I am certainly not going to risk my life for it!
This is true, but the point is that our brains are still structured to survive in the prehistoric world.
Our brains have not evolved like culture and technology.
Men were once organized into tribes, and when a man was going to approach a woman he did not know if she belonged from a different tribe, or at any rate she might be the "girlfriend" of a man he did not know.
In this case the man that was trying with the woman was risking his life.
The tribes could be jealous of his women and defend them with their lives!
The man could then risk being caught and killed within moments by a group of other men; there were certainly no courts in those days!
Approach anxiety is therefore a self-defense mechanism that nature has given us to survive, but this certainly does not mean that it cannot be overcome 😉
"OVERCOME" (NOT "ELIMINATE")
I prefer to say "overcome" approach anxiety than "eliminate" approach anxiety.
Why?
Is it just because I like it more?
Absolutely NO, it is instead a very important way of thinking.
In fact, if in your head you want to "eliminate anxiety," two things happen.
First, anxiety turns into an enemy, and every time you feel it you say to yourself
"why do I still have this damn fear!!!"
And you get angry at yourself because you thought it was gone, but instead it is still there.
This hating anxiety turns into a second level of negative emotions (hate toward a part of yourself).
As you may have already realized, this is not the right way.
A second reason is that you don't actually eliminate anxiety completely, but you first make it very very small, and then use it to energize yourself.
Like a person who does extreme sports, the first time he tries it he's very scared , but as he tries it again, gains confidence, the fear doesn't go away, but is reduced and transformed, and every time it's overcome the sportsman has a shot of adrenaline.
Here, it is the same thing to approach, with a little less adrenaline than jumping off a mountain in a wingsuit 🙂 .
These are the two reasons why you should start using the word "overcome" instead of "eliminate."
HOW TO OVERCOME APPROACH ANXIETY
To overcome approach anxiety there are two main methods, one is absolutely necessary, the other is optional and can helps a lot.
The two methods are:
- external
- internal
The external method is what you do in the world, in life, so taking action and commitment.
This is absolutely necessary; there is no other ways.
The internal method, on the other hand, is what acts directly on your fear of going to approach, and these are some exercises on your Inner game,I will write some articles about it.
The internal method it is not mandatory, but it can really give you a huge hand especially if you are a bit stuck.
EXERCISES TO OVERCOME APPROACH ANXIETY
Let's talk about the external method.
Underlying it is a mechanism called progressive desensitization.
Progressive desensitization is based on the mechanism that if we have a certain emotional reaction when we expose ourselves to a certain thing, if we continue to expose ourselves this emotion of ours will fade.
Think, for example, of the first time you drove a car, or were questioned as a child, or otherwise did some thing that gave you fear.
Over time, by doing this thing many times, the fear decrease and in many cases disappear.
Well, this same mechanism we can use to decrease approach anxiety by taking one small step at a time.
That's right, instead of feeling dumb because you can't approach that beautiful woman you see at the disco, lower the level of difficulty and choose something that gives you less fear.
For example, if you start right from the base you could go down the street and:
- ask 10 men "what time is it ?", done this ...
- ask 10 older ladies "what time is it ?", done this ...
- ask 10 girls "what time is it ?", and then say hello, done this ...
- ask 10 girls "what time is it ?", give a quick compliment on an item of clothing they're wearing, and then say hello ... ...
As you go up the level of difficulty, gradually lowering your anxiety about approaching.
All clear?
Perfect!
Let's be clear, here we are talking about approach anxiety, not generalized anxiety, a major disorder that needs to be treated in the right way.
If you look for more, find a structured path to overcome approach anxiety that uses progressive desensitization in How to Meet New Women.
Perfect!
Goodbye
Steve