Today I'm going to tell you about a concept that will revolutionize your life: so get ready!
Many men when they try to flirt with a girl, adopt a whole series of behaviors and attitudes only with the purpose of impressing her.
The guy who pretends to be mysterious at all costs and "show off," the guy that shows his expensive car, etc. etc.
The problem, however, is that behind these kinds of attitudes is the desire to impress, and thus the need to be approved by seeking the girl's attention, and not a sincere desire to express oneself and one's masculine energy.
This, besides being a sign of insecurity, is a way to hide one's self.
For example, this is also detected in the approach: it is wrong to go to a woman with a phrase in your head to be more interesting.
It makes no sense to go to a woman you want to know better and start pretending to be a playboy.
Instead, it would make sense for you to learn a few phrases if you are at the beginning of your journey to learn how to express yourself and relate to her without forgetting who you are.
When you show yourself for who you are, you begin to act as if you are no longer seeking her response, or her approval, but only to express yourself.
Such an action shows genuine motivation and a healthy emotional investment in the girl, whereas in the first case we are talking about the behavior of someone who must at all costs have the girl's approval, resorting to phrases that are not in line with who you really are.
In fact, in the first case we will have a disconnection between intention and action, while instead in the second case your actions will be in line with your intention.
PRIMARY HONESTY
How do we align our intentions with our actions?
To do so,requires first of all being honest with oneself.
We Must first admit that we all, and I say ALL, have fears, frailties, things we don't want to do.
Even with girls: if you have anxiety you have to admit to yourself first of all that you have anxiety about doing a certain action.
It may be approaching her, dating her, or kissing her.
There is no need to lying yourself, the more you try to hide your fears, the more anxiety you will have. Remember.
Once you learn to be honest with yourself, consequently you become honest with others, and at that point you become a real person, with nothing to hide.
Isn't that a great liberation?
And being an all-around authentic person makes you much more peaceful, makes you able to accept yourself for who you are, but also makes you more attractive.
VULNERABILITY
What is vulnerability?
Vulnerability is the willingness to express oneself freely without defenses.
That is, the willingness to express oneself freely, without manipulating or influencing the opinion of others while knowing that this might make us feel in an uncomfortable position.
Vulnerability allows you to free yourself from the need for approval and from acting only according to an outcome, this makes you an authentic, confident and damn attractive person.
But how does all this happen?
For example, if while getting to know a woman you say exactly what you think about her you are showing yourself vulnerable, exposing yourself, and this makes you more attractive and builds your self-esteem and confidence.
Vulnerability can manifest itself at several levels: At the level of behavior/actions
Much like the concept of "comfort zone" basically when you take the initiative, for example when you try to kiss a girl or try to take her hand.
At the verbal/intellectual level When you say how you feel, even if it means you can be criticized.
In other words, expressing your opinion freely.
I know you will be afraid of the consequences, but paradoxically telling how you think not only improves your self-esteem but also allows you to enjoy the reputation of always being truthful, a quality always appreciated by every person.
Everyone will come to you for advice because they will know that you will not be afraid to say what you think.
On an emotional/sexual level
For example, when you tell a woman that you want to date her, or that you want to take her to bed.
I know it's scary (especially if you're just starting out) but that's what vulnerability is all about: expressing yourself without trying to manipulate the woman's opinion of you despite the fact that it can make us very afraid.
When you do that,you will feel free of that fear that will be gone forever.
When you freely express yourself you act not on a return basis, but you give value without expecting anything in return, as if it were a gift.
This makes you a "TRUE" MAN.
Because then you will have great power over yourself and others will have less and less power over you.
Many guys write to me telling me that when they want to seduce there are too many things to keep in mind.
But these guys don't understand that all the notions we give are only to improve your self-expression.
In other words we give you all the tools to improve your person and make it shine and not to change it.
Maybe at first you will feel like you have to remember a lot of things but little by little it will become natural, like driving a car, you used to struggle and now it comes naturally to you.
The end result will be seducing a woman,without thinking about anything.
Therefore, seduction techniques are not for hiding you, the exact opposite, they are for you to express yourself to the fullest, to express your energy without fear and also, as a result, to be vulnerable, because if you are not afraid show your true nature.
When I show you as you are you become authentic.
The beauty happens when the girl as a result will also open up in turn.
If you think about it, it is normal, when you are faced with a person who is not afraid to show themselves for who they are, both good and bad, you too begin to not worry about how you look, and as a result you will also show yourself for who you are.
In fact, being vulnerable means being open at all times and in all situations.
WHY VULNERABILITY WORKS AND HOW NOT TO USE IT
Vulnerability works for several reasons: It shows that you and the girl are on the same level Once you have nothing to hide and don't act to impress, you move from an interaction in which you are trying to win her approval, to an interaction in which you and she are on the same level.
This makes your interaction much better.
Dramatically decreases anxieties When you show yourself for who you are, all the "I have to impress her, I hope to get her into bed" talk that only creates anxiety disappears.
It is a long-term solution When you consistently practice vulnerability, you build your confidence and self-esteem in a healthy and solid way.
It is not a short-term remedy but a long-term one: once you overcome a fear authentically, it is overcome forever.
It generates intimacy and sexual tension If there is a feeling there is no point in hiding, for example you can easily tell a woman,
"I absolutely love it and would like to take you to bed" (I repeat: if there is a feeling).
In fact, everyone wants to deal with real people.
Everyone feels a strong desire or attraction when real people are in front of them.
Of course, it may happen that you find the girl who is not interested, but when you find the girl who makes less of an issue or is otherwise compatible with you, things take totally another direction.
In fact, freely and unashamedly expressing your sexual desires creates an atmosphere of tension and expectation.
It attracts compatible women When you show yourself for who you are the connection with the other person becomes deeper and more authentic.
At that point there are no more masks, and it is much easier to tell which woman is right for us to which woman is not right for us.
THE EMOTIONAL VOMITING
Many men, once they understand this, fall into the mistake of confusing vulnerability with emotional vomiting.
In fact, there is a line between admitting one's insecurities or discomforts without defense...
and emotional vomiting.
Imagine, for example, that you are with a girl who for months has been engaging in attitudes that bother you, but you pretend on the one hand hoping that she will stop or figure it out on her own,and on the other hand because you are afraid to admit (to her but also to yourself) that it makes you feel bad and you are afraid to deal with it.
At that point what happens?
What happens is that sooner or later you explode without any control.
This is what I call emotional vomiting, which is when a person vents without control.
What is important to understand are two things:
- Emotional vomiting is a dynamic whereby one believes that just venting is enough to solve things, while insteadvulnerability is an awareness of one's insecurities, difficulties, needs, etc...
Remember this: Venting is good, but if done consciously.
- Emotional spewing is a false vulnerability.
The goal of vulnerability is to deal fully and consciously with your difficulties, and this implies a willingness to understand and work things out.
Emotional vomiting, on the other hand, is having a negative feeling, feeling enormous discomfort and uncontrollably manifesting this discomfort.
They may be similar and easily confused at first but I can assure you that they are two completely different things.
VULNERABILITY AND IMPERTURBABILITY
At this point someone might rightly ask,
"What is the link between imperturbability and vulnerability?"
And the answer is:
Vulnerability is a first step that leads to imperturbability.
Of course, because only if you admit to yourself that you feel a negative emotion can you begin to overcome it, but if you act tough and don't admit to yourself that you feel that emotion you risk two things:
- keeping it inside to fester: this can make you sick even for years
- keeping it inside until the moment you explode: emotional vomiting.
See how it all adds up? 🙂
VULNERABILITY IN PRACTICE
Let's come to the practice.
How do you practice vulnerability?
1.ACCEPTANCE LEADS TO ACTION
When you are in a situation where you are uncomfortable the first thing to do is to admit that you are uncomfortable.
Admit it to yourself and to others if you want to, don't hide it.
Accept it.
For example I have approached many girls, but each time I always felt some anxiety.
At first I didn't want to accept it, I was trying to fight this,at some point I said to myself,
"Fuck what others may think, I'm an anxious guy, and that's okay, I admit it," and paradoxically the anxiety decreased.
I didn't do it because I told myself,"If I admit it, I won't become it anymore," I said it because I felt it was so, and admitting it took the pressure off me.
2. ACTION
Once you have accepted your difficulties, it is time to launch yourself or not.
At this point there can be two cases: You retreat If you don't feel up to it, don't worry.
Don't judge yourself, it's normal, many men have many fears and many of them don't even want to face them, so don't judge yourself, nothing bad has happened, just relax.
At this point the only thing to do is to take a step back and deal with the situation step by step.
Are you afraid to approach a girl, for example?
Commit to asking people in the street
"what time is it?"
until it makes you comfortable.
You fling yourself but feel uncomfortable If you decide to fling yourself instead, it is possible that you will feel uncomfortable.
If you are not used to it, it is normal to feel uncomfortable.
In this case, accept it and admit it.
If you want, do it with the girl in front of you as well.
You could say to her, for example,
"I saw you and thought about coming to meet you, I'm a little shy and I'm a little embarrassed, but I decided to come over, nice to meet you, my name is (your name)."
Such a sentence is honest and precisely because of its honesty it is more effective than an unheard sentence.
Once you have stated this the interaction will inevitably be more relaxed and gain in quality, you will be more relaxed because you have nothing to hide and she in turn, will be more relaxed.
See you in the next article!
Steve