Making new friends can be intimidating, but it is definitely gratifying.
After all, friends form an important part of our lives.
Without friends, life would not be the same at all. We would not be who we are if it were not for them.
If you want to make new friends, you need to understand well what kind of friendships you want.
broadly speaking, there are 3 types of friends:
ACQUAINTANCES
These are the ones you see at school/work because the context provides it.
You say hello when you see each other and say goodbye at the end of the day, but nothing more.
The relationship does not continue when the context fails, when one graduates or leaves the workplace.
REGULAR FRIENDS
Companions in social activities with whom one meets from time to time to chat or go out. You can generally talk about more and less.
BEST FRIENDS
People with whom you can talk about anything and everything. You may or may not meet every day, but it doesn't matter, because the strength of your friendship is not determined by how often you meet; it is more than that.
It is about friends who can be trusted, who will be there when you need them, and who will go the extra mile for you.
HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS?
If you are starting from scratch, a good place to start is to answer these questions:
What kind of person do you like to hang out with?
What made a childhood friendship special?
What kind of person fits well with your personality?
What activities would you like to have a partner for?
Look at the previous list and see if you can think of someone you already know. It could also be a distant relative, a friend of a friend, or the spouse of a colleague.
If no one comes to mind, that's okay.
Make a list of places, groups, clubs and social networks where you might meet the kind of person mentioned above.
HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS: 2 Mistakes TO AVOID
People often make two mistakes that send them in tilt when it comes to making friends:
GOING TOO FAST
Just as in a romantic relationship, if you go too fast in a friendship, you can end up being friends with the wrong kind of person.
Suddenly you discover something you don't like.
They become clingy, you pull away, there is awkwardness all around.
That's why it's important to take the time to really get to know the person in front of you. Here are some questions to ask yourself:
- What does he do? What are his or her hobbies?
- What has he done recently?
- What are his priorities and future goals?
- What does he value most?
- What are his values?
- What motivates/drives him What are his passions in life? Goals? Dreams?
THEY NEVER ASK
It is like having a crush on someone, but never asking them out.
Many people think or hope that someone might be a good friend, but are afraid of rejection, they don't know what to do about it, or have convinced themselves that they don't have enough time.
That is why it is important to make an effort to stay in touch.
After all, maintaining friendship requires continuous effort.
The willingness to make this effort is what differentiates true friends.
Ask your friends to hang out from time to time.
Depending on the intensity of the friendship, it is not necessary to meet every day or once a week: it might be enough to see each other once a month or once every two or three.
If you both have your own busy schedules, it may be difficult to find time to be together.
Plan a simple meeting,such as lunch, snack or dinner.
Or you can always update each other through text messages, online chats or phone calls.
Technology has made communication so easy that it is hard not to stay in touch.
HOW TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS: 6 SIMPLE THINGS TO DO TO GET MORE FRIENDS
Ready to discover the secrets of people who consistently make lots of new friends?
In the last article we looked at 4 ways to meet new people.
That's all very well, and it's the first step, but stopping at just getting to know each other won't get you very far; in fact, you need to know well how to behave in practice when you meet new people.
No, I am not talking about the normal basic education,but I think am starting from the idea that is already there.
Instead, I'm talking about something much more useful, a set of ways of doing things, ways of behaving, that are unknowingly used by people who are constantly making new acquaintances and friendships.
Let's look at them together...
HOW TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS: 6 POINTS
1. REMEMBER THAT "CREATING NEW HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS IS AWESOME"
This mindset is just what you need in social situations where you don't know anyone.
Let's be social animals, we are meant to be with others, so as soon as we break down that little wall of shyness that sometimes blocks us, getting to know new people is an experience that brings a lot of positive emotions and value into our lives.
By starting out with this well in mind you will have already done 50 percent of the work, but let's move on...
2. TAKE ONE STEP MORE THAN THE OTHERS
When two new people get to know each other there will tend to be one who will be a little more open, ask more questions, try to create a little more dialogue and knowledge. It may be something imperceptible, but there will always be these two types of people.
What you should do is to be the one who "goes the extra step," so be open and create the friendship. This is nothing complicated, just follow with practical actions the mindset we saw in step 1, so be the one who does not wait for others to act, rather, be the one who makes things happen and progress the new friendship.
It all starts with smiling, introducing yourself first, and starting the conversation.
3. FIND POINTS OF INTEREST
It is not necessary, but it can certainly be very helpful to find commonalities with the new people you meet.
Picture this scene: you are talking to a new person and the conversation is not going very well.
Then ... at some point you just happen to find out that you are both passionate about kitesurfing.
I assure you that at that point you will start talking about kitesurfing and the conversation will run much smoother, as a result you will feel much more open to each other and there will be more chances to create a new friendship.
How do you find points of interest? Simple: by talking and asking questions. Let the conversation flow, and when you find a cue, ask questions to explore further.
Let's give an example? If the other person says, "Yesterday I was on vacation because I went to play sports, it was the perfect day," you ask him what sport he does and interested in the ensuing answer. Maybe he does a sport you know little about, then ask him for more information! Mind you this is not a "trick," being curious to know more about the world around us is a very good trait.
4. CREATE OCCASIONS TO SEE YOU AGAIN
Very often you meet new people and ... never see them again.
"Eh yes but it would be weird" you might reply "they are not my friends, they are my friend's friends"
Of course, they are not your friends because you have not created opportunities to get to know them further, that's why "it's weird".
The key to turning an acquaintance into a friend,the concept that almost everyone forgets, is to create an opportunity to meet again.
For this it is very useful to do something we have already mentioned: find points of interest.
"Are you a wine enthusiast ? Why don't we all go together to visit a winery on X day?"
"Are you a wine enthusiast? I've never understood anything about wine, so why don't we all go on a winery tour together on X day so I can learn something!!!" As you can see, it does not matter if you already know the field in which the other person is interested. Are you already an enthusiast or an expert?
Great You don't know anything about it?
Be curious and let them explain: people love to show their knowledge in various fields!
5. MAKE REAL FOLLOW UP
Many people are lazy. When they meet new people, maybe they throw out a nice "We all have to go together and do X" and then ... nothing more happens.
It happens many times and it's a shame.Missed opportunities to make new friends,to enrich their own lives and the lives of others.When you launch an idea, be the one to take it forward, because often others will not. Get the number of your 'new friends' and their contact on Facebook, then set a date and get organized. After all, it is really simple and can lead to great results.
6. ACCEPT THAT YOU CAN'T BIND WITH EVERYONE
Make an effort to meet new people and make new friends, but at the same time accept that with some people you will bond a lot, with others a little, and with others not at all. We are made that way; we are made to 'fit in' better with some human beings and less with others. It is not necessary to bond with everyone; rather, bond only with those people with whom you feel comfortable.
These, by similarity, will introduce you to other people with whom you are comfortable.
HOW TO TELL IF A FRIENDSHIP CAN BE TRULY LASTING?
Ask yourself these three essential questions:
- Could you be locked in an elevator with this person?
- Does he genuinely happy for you when something good happens to you?
- Does he really want the best for you, even if it is not convenient for him?
Toxic relationships occur when we secretly have negative desires toward someone, or when they have them toward us.
This often happens with "friends" who do not sincerely support her. They become jealous, "judgmental," controlling.
It is extremely important to identify these kinds of toxic indicators right away.
Just as in a relationship, so-called red flags rarely tend to disappear. You can be different, but you must love each other for your differences.
HOW TO MAINTAIN FRIENDSHIP
The keyword is investment.
What do I mean by investment? Emotional investment, investment of time, investment of energy.
Even the best romantic relationships need fine-tuning and energy.
Here are some key points for maintaining your friendships:
THE TABS
When your friend worries about something, do the same. Try to find out what is going on in your friend's life. Does he have a big work project? A sick parent? A busy week? Find out for yourself.
One of the best feelings in the world is to have a friend inquire about something that is important to you, because you know they are only doing it to support you.
WISHES
What does your friend wish for? What are his or her goals and dreams? Try to be supportive, even emotionally.It is good to know that someone is on your side. Friends are your teammates and supporters.
GROW
Sometimes friends have to give you difficult news, bring your bullshit to light, and challenge you to be better. True friends are willing to say hard things if they know they are right.
With good friends we can discuss and argue in a healthy way, and that makes us better people.
Steve