For the mothers who are tired of carrying weight that was never theirs to hold.
Mum guilt.
If it came with loyalty points, we’d all have a free upgrade to somewhere tropical by now.
It sneaks in when we snap, when we rest, when we choose ourselves for five minutes, when we don’t choose ourselves for five days. It’s the shadow of motherhood we never asked for, yet somehow feel responsible for managing.
But guilt isn’t a sign you’re failing. It’s a sign you care.
And caring doesn’t mean you have to carry every impossible expectation handed to mothers since forever.
So let’s talk about five ways to finally loosen the grip of mum guilt, lighten your load, and step back into your power.
1. Identify Where the Guilt Is Actually Coming From
Before you fall into the “I’m failing” pit, ask yourself one simple question:
“Whose expectation am I failing to meet right now?”
Your child’s? Your own? Or… society’s highlight reel of the Perfect Mother?
Most guilt traces back to old conditioning, cultural standards, or the imaginary committee of judgement we carry in our heads.
When you realise the guilt didn’t originate in your truth, it suddenly becomes a whole lot easier to put down.
Name it. Question it. Hand it back.
2. Practise Self-Compassion Like You Mean It
Talk to yourself as kindly as you’d talk to a friend you adore. You wouldn’t tell her she’s a terrible mother because she yelled before coffee. You’d say something like, “Of course you snapped. You’re exhausted. You’re human. Let’s breathe.”
Your nervous system listens to the way you speak to yourself. Softness isn’t weakness. It’s regulation. It’s the difference between spiralling and returning to centre.
3. Reframe the Story You’re Telling Yourself
A tough moment doesn’t mean you’re a bad mum. It means you had… a tough moment.
Here’s the reframe: “I’m allowed to be human. I can repair this.”
And repair is where connection actually deepens.
Kids don’t need you to be perfect. They need you to be real, present, willing to own your mistakes, and capable of creating softness after the storm.
That skill? That’s what raises emotionally intelligent kids.
4. Embrace “Good Enough”
Perfection is a lie that burns mothers out. The “good enough mother,” a concept by psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott, is liberating for a reason. It acknowledges that kids don’t flourish under perfection; they flourish under attuned imperfection.
Good enough creates resilience.
Good enough teaches frustration tolerance.
Good enough raises children who know how to cope with the real world.
Say it with me: Good enough is the gold standard.
5. Schedule “You” Time Without Apologising
Burnout breeds guilt.
A depleted nervous system has a much shorter fuse, and then we blame ourselves for blowing up. Even fifteen minutes a day can shift everything. A walk. A hot drink in silence. Sitting in your car finishing a podcast while pretending you don’t hear your family knocking on the window.
(It’s fine. I’ve been there.)
This isn’t indulgence.
This is maintenance.
This is modelling self-worth.
Letting Go of Guilt Is a Practice
Some days you’ll feel light and free. Other days you’ll lose your cool, feel terrible, and wonder if anyone else is struggling as much as you. Spoiler: they are.
Letting go of guilt isn’t a one-and-done moment. It’s a gentle, daily return to truth. The truth that you are good. That you are trying. That you are human.
And that you are worthy of grace, always.
Set the guilt down, mama.
You’re doing far better than you think.
x Emily
Comments ()