I have been meaning to write this poem down again for the last 10 years.
I’ve actually already written a version of this poem before. I wrote it on a blog and then, stupidly, forgot to take a copy of it off the blog before I shut it down.
Now, I have no idea how to get it back (it’s been at least 10 years, probably now), so I’ve attempted a rewrite.
And you know what? I think it’s much better now that I have 10 years of life experience and reflection to add to the mix.
For 11 years, I stayed in a relationship that tore me down. Words that cut, rage that shattered my confidence, and moments that left me shaking. But I left. I rebuilt my life, found my worth, and discovered peace in a love that feels safe.
My poem “Thank You” is my story of turning pain into strength.
Thank You
You made me feel small,
called me stupid,
criticised every move I made.
For eleven years, I stayed
because you never “hit me.”
But your words?
They punched holes in my soul.
Your rage?
It slowly eroded my confidence.
And yet,
I need to thank you.
Thank you for ripping the door off its hinges
then crumpling into tears,
waiting for my pity.
I gave it.
Thank you for hurling a bag of pears across the room at me
then offering apologies,
as if rage wasn’t your native tongue.
Thank you for abandoning me roadside,
my bags at my feet, the car disappearing into dust.
I don’t recall if you ever apologised for that one.
Thank you for smashing my seedlings into the kitchen floor,
stomping life out of them
because I dared to choose growth
over tidying the house.
Thank you for the knife -
blade flashing, threats flying -
for chasing me out of the room
with the kind of fear that sears itself into memory.
Thank you for the venom you spat online -
punishing me for daring to celebrate another year of my life
without you at the table.
Thank you for every shout,
every quake in my hands,
every sick twist in my stomach,
every night I lay awake,
dreading the next eruption,
wondering if I had the courage to leave.
And thank you, most of all,
for the hands around my neck -
Because that,
that
was the final straw that set me free.
So yes, this is a thank you.
Thank you for shaping me into the woman who left.
The woman who proved she could travel alone
and build a strong new life,
stand in her own power.
The woman who discovered her worth -
her wild laugh,
her sharp wit,
her heart that draws true friends close.
The woman who treats others with the respect
that you never showed.
The woman who will never again let a man dim her light.
The woman who now loves and is loved
by a man whose strong, caring arms
spell safety for her and her children.
And the peace I have now,
It is worth everything you put me through.
So,
from the deepest part of me -
I thank you.
x Emily
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