Dangerous Oscar McGrew - Southend Beach 001 - oil pastel on canvas

Dangerous Oscar Mcgrew 001 - Oil Pastel on Canvas - 16" X 20" - sealed with acrylic varnish

Portrait of my nephew Oscar - as a kid I used to call him Dangerous Oscar Mcgrew and this was based on two photos that I took of him during that time. In one photo he was pulling a face playfully - poking his tongue out really far and screwing up his eyes - but with a gleeful gleam and half smile that showed he was really having fun and posing. In the other he was shouting angrily - his mouth was open wide but he wasn't pulling a face or poking his tongue out. He was shouting in that way that only a kid really can - full of emotion and trying to assert and articuate himself in a world where he was still so small and powerless.

This was over 10 years ago and I loved him dearly then as I love him dearly now. I built tension in this pose by taking elements from each reference photo and merging them together. The playfulness of his tongue poking out so far, but the anguish in his eyes. His faced screwed in such a way as to tow the line between an intentional pose and a complete loss of control. I feel like my artistic style sits on that same line.

Nothing hurts me more than to see someone I love hurting or upset, and nothing brings me more joy than seeing someone I love playing and having fun - so to combine those two emotions in one picture was significant for me. As a neurodivergent person with emotional behavioural difficulties I often find that the pain and joy and love and turmoil of life feel all jumbled up inside me - like lots of different coloured threads that somehow got all tangled up.

This portrait of Oscar - or as I will always see him, Dangerous Oscar McGrew, is the perfect representation. And it also perfectly captures how I feel when I look at photos of the past. Joy, but also pain. Love, but also loss. The loss of those moments, those times, and those people that we once were. The joy that we were those poeple, at that time.