The Secret Society of the Wobbly Dog Cafe
This is a true story based at a small cafe in the middle of the Outer Hebrides (on the Isle of Lewis). In the cafe they have a 'Most Wanted Poster'. On that list is a crazy bunch of dogs who never do as they are told. ‘Do not be fooled by the knitting and the paper crafts here. This is actually a top secret factory, where we build ‘Hooman-Tracking’ Devices disguised as bookmarks!’
This is their Top Secret Covert Operation: Code Name - ‘Cu Wobble-Gneiss!’ and their star 'Waffles'. But our delightfully chaotic Bran is also there to lend a paw. (Which practically means chaos is guaranteed). This is what happens when the dogs are left to rule. Watch out for HQ centre. Clue: There is a piece of string, a picture of a waffle and Table No:4!
Read on for the Extract - then download the book to have a lot of fun.
The Secret Society of the Wobbly Dog Cafe
Password Please!
‘Cu Wobble-Gneiss!’
The Secret Society of the Wobbly Dog Cafe
The ‘Dog-Eye’ View:
‘Waffles’, lives in a confusing world; full of denim, corduroy pants, too many legs, and the occasional dangling handbag. (Often operationally referred to as the ‘Dog’-Eye View’)
Combined with all this confusion, the heady smell of frothy coffee, bacon, and something called a ‘scone’ invades the senses. And for why? - because Waffles lives with his owners at the infamous ‘Wobbly Dog Cafe’.
To the untrained eye, Waffles is just an ordinary, extraordinary little dog. But what no one realises, is that he is part of a ‘Top Secret Covert Operation.’
Waffles, has just been appointed ‘Intelligence Officer,’ for the Top Secret Society, part of his training involves identifying customer ‘hooman’ quirks.
Not by their faces you understand, – but by their shoes. His underlying responsibility is to report back immediately to Bran HQ!
So, every morning without fail, he dutifully scans the room with his trusted doggy viewfinder.
Now, it has been revealed this very morning, (while taking detailed notes with his ‘Wobble Vision Kit’) that he held within his paws, highly classified dogumentation:
All Personnel must use & obtain the correct paperwork while out on Field Ops:
---------
The Wobble Vision Kit:
____________________________________
- Wobble Vision Notebook
- Field Reporters Guide
- Standard issue SSWDC Mic
- Emergency Doggy Chews
- Water pack
- _______________________________________
By Issuing Officer – Sad Eyes the Bloodhound.
Signed
Paw Stamp of Authority
____________________________________________
Intelligence Officer Waffles
Date of Report:
Time: 0922hrs Location:SSWDC
‘Big Squeaky Boots attended Operation Break Fast earlier Sir! - I did my level best in manovering, using the very tactical low-crouch sideways-shuffle across to Table Four Sir!
Mic interaction from HQ at 0952hrs
‘And how did that pan out Officer Waffles? Chief Commander Bran barked, sounding a little excited. ‘Mission Accomplished, Commander!’ Waffles beamed brightly. ‘Bacon secured. Hoovering commenced at 0920hrs.’
‘Excellent work Waffles. Over and out.’ – A loud ‘Woof!’ of approval blasted so hard in his ears that his mic squeaked noisily and his notebook flew out of his paws.
‘Oh and Waffles?’ Bran barked again,
‘Yes, Sir?’ replied Waffles,
‘Stop calling me Sir!’
‘Er… Yes, Sir.’
‘I mean, No Sir’.
Commander Bran smacked his forehead in disbelief groaning over the mic. Then he was gone.
Waffles, apologising again, was just beginning to recover his hearing, and retrieve said notebook, when he sneezed, sending copious amounts of doggy crumbs flying across the table. They all landed with a profoundly satisfying SPLAT!, on his morning briefing papers. He hoped, rather than felt, that no one noticed. Or heard.
As Waffles attempted to tidy up the mess, the door of the cafe rang ‘open’ once more.
This time, a small child arrived with his mother. Scanning the room with one swift motion, he ascertained that this child was now a ‘Prime Op Territory Target’ (he had looked up the definition in his guide earlier), and subconsciously he rubbed his paws over his belly.
Watching them carefully from his Covert Operations Centre, (a chair, a piece of string and a picture of a waffle), he pondered ways in which ‘hoomans’ often operated.
All Secret Society Members felt it was rather odd that ‘Hoomans,’ spent a lot of time moving small delicious-smelling things from plate to face, without seemingly moving a muscle. Then. they would chew delicately, as if they had all the time in the world, and absent-mindedly dangle said things from ‘implements’. But his training went totally against all of that. He had been told to
‘Eat fast, go in head first, and think later’.
He realised, of course, that his current mission was to acknowledge this, discover ways he could use it to his advantage, and find out what those little prongy things hoomans had were actually meant for."
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Thanks for looking!
Hope you enjoy this nutty series
Paula Fearnley