I'm Fat (and still get laid)

by Laura Jane Williams

I’m Fat (and still get laid) is a 6,000 word collection of what I talk about with my girlfriends like, all the time. From relationships to work stuff, from how to take over the world to biological clocks and getting laid, these five essays are my declaration of womanhood as per what I dissect and examine in excruciating detail when I’m down the pub. That’s how I get my kicks- asking the why about everything Girl in the history of the world, whilst simultaneously eyeing up the barman.

Chapters include:

- on really wanting kids but a husband not so much: "Look, all cards on the table, right now nobody is actually offering to marry me, or to raise a child with me. So it’s a bit of a non-question, the do you want to get married, don’t you think your child should have a father figure? thing. Like asking if I’d like pancakes for breakfast when we’ve got no flour in."

- on having casual sex without being a nob about it: "Sex is basically my hobby. Some people have crafting, others five-a-side, but I have sex. I do it because a) it’s proper well fun, and b) because Ann Summers don’t sell a product with ten fingers."

- on being chubby and unashamedly body confident: "As a woman who has conducted a very scientific research project into the inner psyche of sexually active blokes (i.e. has shagged around a bit) I say, with the sort of confidence normally reserved for Adele when she’s telling Karl Lagerfeld to do one, that no man has ever seen me in a thong and then changed his mind about putting his willy inside of me."

- on utilising vaginas to change the world: "We have a responsibility. We have a responsibility to every vagina in Uganda that’s had her clitoris lobbed off in the name of tradition. For every vagina in China that gets left on a roadside to die as a baby because she isn’t a boy. To every vagina in India that gets raped with an iron rod for riding the bus after dusk, to every hijab-wearing vagina in Saudi Arabia that is forbidden to drive a car, and every vagina in the world that has ever experienced being told no because she isn’t male."

- on being the boss of me: "It’s hard to articulate this kind of talk without sounding hippy-dippy and wholly naïve, but as my late twenties and I get better acquainted I’m trying really hard to find the lesson and move on. Carrying upset and hurt is like lugging around a suitcase of blue cheese: pretty soon it makes everything stink."

If you're in any doubt as to the awesomeness of this eBook, please let me just say: you are looking foxy as all heck today. Really.

What people are saying about I'm Fat (and still get laid):

"An amuse-bouche of fanny chat" - @dandraper90

"It's the funniest and deepest thing a truly independent, confident woman has ever written" - @ElenaManighetti

"GOOSEBUMPS AND TEARS, GOOSEBUMPS AND TEARS, GOOSEBUMPS AND TEARS... just want to live a better, more positive life now" -@meinbag

"Laura Jane Williams is a bloody talented writer with skills akin to those of Caitlin Moran" -@eatswelove

"Seriously people, this is one of the best things ever. Laura Jane Williams says it like it is, in a fabulous and horny manner" - @babeswithgin

"I've just read the first chapter & nodded in agreement with EVERYTHING, so safe to say it's awesome!" -@oh_nicola

You will get a PDF (351KB) file.

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