I Feel Real Guilty: A Memoir of Sibling Sexual Abuse

"I'm sorry for what I did to you when you were younger."

When Jane Epstein's brother makes this confession, a tsunami of memories floods over her. She remembers the years of sexual abuse at his hands. The pain. The shame.

Suffering from trauma few talk about, Epstein searches for solace in strip clubs and hotel rooms. She finds love, loses it, and loves again. Years pass before she dares to dive into the depths of her past. Only then does she begin to heal.

Though nothing can restore a stolen childhood, and nothing can reclaim lost innocence, I Feel Real Guilty is more than the raw, unfiltered tale of one woman wrestling with her demons. It's a call to arms, an invitation to survivors to speak out and reclaim their power.

Epstein's story shines a spotlight on the secrets of sibling sexual abuse, providing a ray of hope and strength for those still trapped in their own private darkness.

PRAISE FOR "I FEEL REAL GUILTY"

"Epstein succeeds in her goal of bringing attention to a shockingly common and tragically underrepresented form of abuse, marking a milestone in her ongoing advocacy project."

—Kirkus Reviews

"Empowering memoir of sibling sexual abuse that offers hope for healing."

—Booklife by Publisher’s Weekly

"Jane Epstein makes the case for overcoming the wretched experiences of family sexual abuse in an honest and brave memoir. For all of us who have endured family sexual abuse and are looking for paths forward, reading I Feel Real Guilty will provide a roadmap to recovery." 

—Jackie Speier, Former U.S. Congresswoman, a fighter for equality, our troops, and the working poor and author of Undaunted

"This powerfully moving memoir sheds light on the silent epidemic of sibling sexual abuse. Jane shares her personal battles, giving a voice to survivors and their families who have struggled in silence. This essential read offers hope to all and is crucial for those aiming to end this hidden form of abuse. I Feel Real Guilty is an important step toward eradicating this insidious trauma that affects countless children and families globally."

—Brad Watts, author of Sibling Sexual Abuse: A Guide for Confronting America’s Silent Epidemic, Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and Certified Sex Offender Treatment Provider (CSOTP) specializing in working with families where sibling sexual abuse has occurred. 

"Jane’s storytelling is extraordinary. Her use of description and imagery pull us into the settings, sights, sounds, personalities and characters spanning several decades. I can easily visualize her experiences and feel her deepest, darkest moments as well as her victories—both minute and monumental."

—Holli Kenley, MA, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, Author, TEDx Speaker

"Jane's insightful exploration of sibling sexual abuse provides crucial psycho-educational tools for educators and practitioners, offering guidance on assessing trauma, understanding family dynamics, and fostering recovery."

—Dr. Jeyda Ibrahim, Consultant Clinical Psychologist and Author of Harmful Sexual Behaviour between Siblings (HSB-S) Practice Guidance: Considerations for assessment and intervention and supporting families to heal and move on from this crisis through a shared narrative

"Jane Epstein’s powerful memoir invites you into the depths of her painful past, revealing the long-hidden secrets of sibling sexual abuse and her journey to reclaim control over her life through stripping. With raw honesty, Jane shares the heartbreaking loss of her first husband and the struggles in her second marriage that led her to confront her traumatic memories. Through faith, therapy, and vulnerability, Jane’s story offers a safe space for others to understand, heal, and know they are far from alone."

—Dr. Margaret Rutherford, TEDx Speaker, Host of The SelfWork Podcast, Author of Perfectly Hidden Depression