Self Portrait 28/05/25 - SOLD

Self Portrait 28/05/25 - oil pastel on canvas - 30cm X 40cm - sealed with acrylic varnish

In my warehouse we have a halfbath. It's not quite a full bath, so we call it a halfbath.

Not only am I 6ft tall, so pretty tall for an average full bath, let alone a warehouse half bath, but I also have pretty intense obsessive compulsive disorder - and so the thought of getting into a bathtub that I know my housemates stand (and probably piss) in and wash all the dirt off of their bodies and lord knows what else - not to mention the decades of debauchary that have probaly happened in this bathtub before I even moved in - combined with the fact that one time when I was hooking up with someone we found a rat in the bathtub that must have crawled out of the plughole coz it was soaking wet (and the person I was hooking up with literally picked the rat up with a plastic bag and just threw it outside in the carpark which was just so surreal)...

Anyway the point I'm making is that it's pretty difficult for me to bring myself to have a bath in the halfbath. My OCD runs wild with visions of fungus feet, pissy showers, sex and masturbartion, rats crawling out of drains, giant spiders, and I would be very surprised if someone hadn't shat in it and/or puked it in it at some point - and I know for a fact that a fair few cats have shat in it....

Well the point is it took me 3 years of living here to finally start using the bathtub. I give it a good scrub before each use - fill it with bubble baths, bath bombs and epsom salts - I keep the lights on fully because my OCD has never been able to handle baths in the dark (I'm convinced I'll be attacked by a demon that will apear in the mirror - and the fact that someone I used to know claimed they had sex with the devil in the bathroom next door and performed a full satanic ritual - well let's just say the energy doesn't feel great with the lights off and candles burning).

But recently I've taken to the halfbath. I just close my eyes and take a moment to conquer all the bad thoughts and allow whatever good can come from it. When I'm overwhelmed, lost, emotionally disregulated, exhausted or in crash mode - this tiny ratridden cesspit has become something of a safe space; a haven.

And there's something in that, I think, that means something. Or at least, a half-something.