I care about a few things deeply:
- Autonomous Action – the ability to make my own decisions (as much as is possible), armed with the right knowledge and information to make good ones.
- Privacy – I’m actively opposed to the surveillance state.
But lately, I've really been putting effort into something I’ve struggled with for a long time: Community.
And it's... been a journey. There are a few key challenges I face when it comes to maintaining meaningful relationships:
- I keep moving far away – Every five-ish years, I make the conscious decision to move away from everyone and everything I’ve ever known. (It's good for character development)
- I forget people – If someone or something isn’t in my immediate vicinity, it’s easy for it to slip my mind. Not out of malice, but life just happens.
- Time zones suck – Life is already busy, and when you add time zone differences into the mix, it’s hard to keep up with people you care about.
But here's the thing: I’m not just interested in just maintaining relationships—I want to show up as the best version of myself for the people I care about. And that’s why I built something I’ve wanted for a long time: a Personal Relationship Manager using Airtable,.
Why Build This?
For the past few years, I’ve been studying relationships—particularly friendships—and how to show up as a better friend. I’ve been reflecting on what makes relationships thrive and how to nurture meaningful connections, especially since I move frequently. I’ve learned that maintaining relationships isn’t just about remembering birthdays or sending an occasional message—it’s about understanding the dynamics of each relationship and actively investing in the ones that really matter.
Then, in December, I read "Steal Like an Artist" by Austin Kleon. One of his suggestions was to keep a daily log, a system for capturing ideas (as they can be quite slippery). He recommended using a pocket notebook and a pen to jot things down throughout your day, which made sense in theory, but I needed something a bit less misplaceable. Don't get me wrong, I love a hand written idea session as much as the next gal, but I needed something different for this specific purpose. I wanted a tool that was searchable, that wouldn’t get lost, and that could handle more than just capturing ideas—it needed to help me tend to my relationships with more ease and regularity. So, I decided to build a system that would wrap these ideas together in a cute little bow.
“The manifesto is this: Draw the art you want to see, start the business you want to run, play the music you want to hear, write the books you want to read, build the products you want to use—do the work you want to see done. ”
Excerpt From
Steal Like an Artist
(This material may be protected by copyright.)
(sorry I stole this @Austin Kleon lmk if you want me to take it down !!)
ANY WHO ... here's to doing the work we want to see done !
What Is This Personal Relationship Manager?
In essence, this tool is a relationship database designed to help me track, nurture, and manage my connections with the people who matter to me. It’s not just a CRM (Customer Relationship Management) or, I guess, a PRM (Personal Relationship Management) tool—it’s an emotional logbook that helps me understand how I’m showing up in my relationships and how I can improve. Ultimately, it’s a tool for building a better relationship with myself first and foremost.
Self-care, paying attention to what brings me joy, what drains me, who I want to spend time with, and what activities I genuinely enjoy—all of that is crucial. Before we can show up fully for others or our communities, we first need to tend to ourselves. This system helps me keep track of my own needs, reflect on my emotional and mental well-being, and ensure I’m prioritizing the things and people that align with my values. It’s about forming a healthy relationship with myself so I can show up for others in a meaningful way.
Just to be abundantly clear, though, as I think it's imperative to note—this tool isn’t about overanalyzing oneself (though I'm sure you could use it that way — please don't). It’s designed to help cultivate gentle awareness around how one is showing up in the world through daily practices, within connections, and noticing how emotional and relational energy ebbs and flows over time. It’s a system for cultivating conscious awareness, not perfection.
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate"
- C.G. Jung
So here's how it works:
The Daily Log
This is where I track my daily experiences and interactions via a form I made to make logging information/checking in that much easier. Think of it as a combination of a journal and a mood tracker. Each log entry includes:
- Date & Time (automatically added or manually updated)
- People I Interacted With (linked to the People table)
- Emotions of the Day Calculations (pleasantness, intensity, easefulness &urgency) inspired on the work of Marc Brackett, Ph.D. (to track how I felt during activities and interactions)
- Activities & Duration (so I can see how I’m spending my time)
- Interaction Ratings (based on how meaningful the interaction was)
The goal of this table is to help me reflect on my day, analyze my mood, and track who I connected with. It’s also a useful way to track patterns over time—like, does my energy correlate with the people I’m spending time with?
The People Table
This is where the magic happens. Each person I interact with gets their own profile, which includes:
- Personal Details (name, contact info, birthday, etc.)
- Interaction History (how many times we’ve connected and the type of interaction)
- Emotional Closeness (manually input rating in stars and words)
- Interaction Rating (this is calculated from the historical ratings of past interactions)
- An overall rating (weighted average of emotional closeness rating and historical interaction rating)
- Next Time to Reach Out (this part is crucial—it helps me decide when to check in with someone based on our interaction history)
This table is the heart of the system, as it helps me stay on top of all my relationships—whether they’re with family, friends, or colleagues—and ensures I’m making time for the people who truly matter.
The Activities & Weather Tables
To add depth, I’ve also created tables to track activities and weather patterns. These help me see correlations between:
- What activities I’m doing (e.g., yoga, work meetings, social events) and how they affect my energy or mood.
- Weather conditions (*still under development*)and how they impact my interactions. (Does a sunny day make me more energized and social?)
By linking these tables with my daily logs, I can track patterns and see what kinds of interactions and activities leave me feeling fulfilled.
The Benefits of Using This System
The real beauty of this system is how it gives me actionable insights. I can look back at my interaction history and see:
- Who I’m spending the most time with and whether those relationships feel mutually nourishing.
- When I need to check in with someone based on the data, so I don’t forget or neglect anyone (especially important).
- What kinds of interactions leave me feeling more connected, and what activities energize or drain me.
But more importantly, it helps me tune in to myself. It’s easy to get caught up in the hustle of daily life and forget what I need to feel whole. This system reminds me to check in with myself, prioritize my well-being, and ensure I’m aligning my actions with what actually makes me feel good—whether it’s the people I’m spending time with, the activities I’m doing, or the energy I’m investing.
here's a walk through video for my visual learners out there
Now with all this data collection, you may be wondering about your data security; I know I would be, and that leads me to…
Privacy and Data Security
As I mentioned earlier, I’m actively opposed to the surveillance state. Privacy is crucial for me in everything I do, and that includes my relationship management system. It was important to me to choose a tool that was secure and respected my data privacy—one that wouldn’t make my personal information public or use it for questionable purposes.
Airtable, the tool I decided to build this system with, offers a good level of privacy and control over your data. Here's why it works for me:
* Data Control: Airtable allows you to have full ownership of your data. As the creator of the base, you control who has access to it. You can create custom permissions and only share specific parts of the base with certain people (if you need to). This means my relationships, interactions, and personal logs are kept private and under my control.
* Security: Airtable employs encryption to protect your data both in transit and at rest. They use SSL/TLS encryption for data transfer, which adds an extra layer of security when you’re logging in or updating information, ensuring that your data is safe from prying eyes.
* No Ads or Data Mining: Unlike some free tools that may monetize your data through ads or sell it to third parties, Airtable doesn’t use your data for any commercial purposes. This gives me peace of mind that my personal logs and relationship information won’t be sold or used in ways I’m not comfortable with.
Why Privacy is Non-Negotiable
When you’re managing something as personal as relationships—especially your emotional state and energy levels—it’s essential that the tool you’re using aligns with your values around privacy. It’s one thing to track your daily interactions and self-care practices; it’s another to do it on a platform that might use or expose that data in ways you’re uncomfortable with.
By choosing Airtable, I’ve been able to maintain full control over my data while building this personal relationship manager—something that allows me to nurture my relationships while ensuring my information is secure.
Why This System Is So Valuable
I built this because maintaining meaningful relationships is hard—especially when you're constantly juggling the demands of life, work, personal projects, and moving around. I wanted a system that would help me stay intentional with my connections. But more than that, I realized that self-care is the foundation for everything else. If I’m not in tune with myself, I can’t show up fully for the people I care about or the communities I want to be a part of. This tool helps me build a healthier relationship with myself, so I can show up for others in a more meaningful way.
This isn’t just about tracking interactions—it’s about building better, more meaningful connections that align with my values. It’s about investing in the people who matter most, and this system helps me do that in a way that feels organized, efficient, and genuinely fulfilling.
Final Thoughts
In short: I built this because, at a certain point, I realized that life—especially with everything going on in the world—is too short to let the people who matter fade into the background. We’re all connected, and if you want to make a real change in the world, you have to first show up for yourself and your community.
If this resonates with you—whether you’re also juggling relationships across time zones, moving frequently, or simply looking for a more intentional way to connect with the people you care about—this tool might be worth trying out. And if you’re looking to build a better relationship with yourself before diving into the world, this system will help you do that, too.
The Insight Engine isn’t about over-scrutinizing or "fixing" yourself—it's about gently noticing your emotional and relational energy over time—without judgment—throughout life's many ebbs and flows. It’s a tool for cultivating gentle awareness, so you can show up authentically and with intention, both for yourself and others.
I’d love to share more about how I built it or walk you through how you can adapt it for your own needs. Let me know if you’re interested, and I’ll be happy to info-dump on you (one of my favorite hobbies, honestly).
In the meantime, I’m excited to keep building deeper connections, both online and offline, and continue healing—together.