If I had a daughter, this is the advice I would give her about dating.
Dear daughter,
Love is the easiest part.
Choosing the right man is the hard part.
Many people will tell you, “Follow your heart.”
That sounds nice. It also ruins lives.
Because the heart is easily impressed.
It falls for attention, charm, and promises.
But a relationship is not built on how you feel on a good day.
It is built on what you can live with on a bad day.
So don’t just ask, “Do I love him?”
Ask, “Can I respect the life he is building?”
Here are a few things I would never compromise on.
If a man has no direction, no discipline, and no sense of responsibility, love will not fix that. It will only make you tolerate it longer.
If he has habits like gambling, drinking, womanising, or uncontrolled spending, don’t tell yourself it will change after marriage. It usually gets worse when life becomes more stressful.
If he cannot manage his anger, walk away early. Do not wait until you become the one managing it for him.
And please don’t believe this lie that you can “grow together” if the foundation is weak. Growth works when both people are already grounded, not when one is trying to carry the other.
And one more thing.
Never date with the intention of changing a man. You won’t. What you see is what you are signing up for.
Take your time. Use your mind, not just your feelings.
A good choice will feel calm, not confusing.
Love,
Dad
P.S. I’ve written a collection of short, practical books on relationships, the kind of things people usually learn too late. If you want to go deeper, you can find them here:
https://payhip.com/samchoo/collection/relationship
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