Men have written essays about it. Poets have agonised over it. Freud famously threw his hands up and admitted he had no idea. But here's the twist. Women have never been the ones confused about it. Because what women want has never been as small, tidy or predictable as the world tried to make it. It goes way beyond kitchen sinks, perfect babies and finding Mr. Right. To understand why the question became so dramatic in the first place, we have to start with the myth that shaped it.

By Sam Cartwright, Mindset & Lifestyle Columnist

The Myth of the Perfect Woman

How much of what women "want" is actually what they have been taught to desire to seem acceptable?

We have all met her. She is effortlessly stylish, perfectly toned, emotionally serene, bakes gluten-free bread before dawn, climbs the corporate ladder in heels, never spills coffee and remembers birthdays without reminders. She does not exist. Yet she's still used as the measuring stick.

We are raised and shaped by society into believing that, as women, we should all want certain things by default. A certain lifestyle, family, career, home and appearance. It's a list of boxes to tick in order to fit in. But wanting what you want is not a rebellion. It's just finally stepping out of the role someone else wrote for you.

What Women Actually Want

Every time this question is asked, some sort of extraordinary answer is expected. Like, it's women we are talking about, so of course they are going to want something unreasonable, impossible or out of this world.

But what if women just want autonomy, respect, time, laughter, safety, support and pleasure? It seems so simple. They want the same things everyone else wants, just without having to fight twice as hard for them. Women do not want Prince Charming; they want someone who listens, cares, loads the dishwasher and goes to therapy. How radical?

Beyond relationships, the real deal is that women want the freedom to tailor their lives. Women today want to live lives that feel like they belong to them, not some script written decades ago. In other words, what do women want? Everything they were told they could not ask for, and then some.

Sometimes it's also wonderfully simple. A warm cup of coffee they did not have to reheat four times, a clean house, a partner who shares the load, a site or office that does not confuse "inclusion" with pink cupcakes on a women's day, or just one uninterrupted, silent afternoon to exist without multitasking. In the trades, it means proper-fitting PPE, facilities that work, and the mental freedom to be an apprentice or a master builder without carrying the weight of representing your entire gender every single day.

Redefining the Question

Women know what they want (except when they are hungry, but that's another story). Jokes aside, why is this question such a big thing? Could it be because so many of the things women want remain out of reach, not for lack of clarity, but because of barriers quietly or loudly stacked in their way? Instead of endlessly asking what women want, we should think more about what is stopping them from having it. That is the real question. 

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