I was watching Love It or List It ...the newer version, not the one with Hilary.
I was trying to give it a fair shot.
And the designer said something that stopped me in my tracks.
She was talking through the clients’ wish list, going down the things they wanted, and then she paused and said, very calmly:
“I don’t know.”
No scrambling.
No awkward filler.
No trying to pull a solution out of thin air.
Just… I don’t know.
And then she followed it with: “But I’m going to figure it out.”
That’s it. That was the moment.
Why That Hit Me So Hard
Because imposter I was watching Love It or List It — the newer version, not the one with Hilary.
I was trying to give it a fair shot.
And the designer said something that stopped me in my tracks.
She was talking through the clients’ wish list, going down the things they wanted, and then she paused and said, very calmly:
“I don’t know.”
No scrambling.
No awkward filler.
No trying to pull a solution out of thin air.
Just… I don’t know.
And then she followed it with: “But I’m going to figure it out.”
That’s it. That was the moment.
Why That Hit Me So Hard
Because imposter syndrome tells me the opposite.
It tells me:
You’re supposed to know.
You need to know right now.
If you don’t know, you’re failing.
So I go into situations already on edge.
Already braced.
Already telling myself: If something goes left, you better have a solution immediately.
And that pressure?
That’s exhausting.
Sometimes the Honest Answer Is “I Don’t Know”
The truth is, there are moments with learners where the most accurate answer is:
I don’t know why that just happened.
I don’t know yet how to address this.
And that doesn’t mean I stop.
It means I pause.
Because doing something just to look competent can cause more harm than good.
Rushing to label a behavior.
Rushing to apply a strategy.
Rushing to appear confident.
Sometimes that’s how we get it wrong.
Not Knowing in the Moment Isn’t the Same as Not Knowing at All
This is the distinction I’m learning to make.
“I don’t know” doesn’t mean:
I lack skill
I lack experience
I lack competence
It means:
I don’t know in this moment
I need more information
I need time to observe, reflect, and think
And I trust myself enough to do that.
Why a Confident “I Don’t Know” Feels Safer
Honestly?
I would much rather hear a confident “I don’t know, but I’ll get back to you” than hear someone give me an answer they don’t really believe in.
You can feel the difference.
One feels grounded.
The other feels performative.
And I don’t want to perform confidence... I want to have it.
What I’m Practicing Now
So this is what I’m practicing:
Letting myself say “I don’t know” without spiraling.
Letting myself sit with uncertainty without rushing.
Trusting that clarity comes from intention, not panic.
Because knowing everything immediately was never the goal.
Being thoughtful, ethical, and reflective was.
And I’m okay standing in that.
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