This would be easier if I just used a token board.
This would be easier if I removed the tablet.
This would be easier if I used physical management.
This would be easier if I planned ignored.
And before anybody starts tightening up ...I’m not here to debate what you should or shouldn’t do. That’s your prerogative. I’m talking about me. I’m talking about the thoughts that pass through my head sometimes.
Because if I’m being honest…
yeah, sometimes it would be easier.
Easier for Me, Not Necessarily Easier for the Learner
When I say “easier,” I mean easier for me as the adult.
Easier on my confidence.
Easier on my nervous system.
Easier to explain to a parent.
Easier to defend to another BCBA.
These are strategies that have been heavily taught.
Strategies that other BCBAs are using.
Strategies that come with built-in backup.
Even if it doesn’t work, it’s like…
Well, I didn’t make this up.
Somebody else came up with this strategy.
Somebody else taught this strategy.
Somebody else validated this strategy.
So if it fails, it doesn’t feel like it’s on me.
And that safety net?
That part can feel comforting.
But That “Ease” Comes at a Cost
Because let’s be real ...what’s easier for me isn’t always easier for the learner.
If I’m forcing compliance, it’s easier for me.
If I’m using their toys to make them do something, it’s easier for me.
But now that toy isn’t just a toy anymore.
Now it’s a bargaining chip.
Now it’s work.
Now it might become aversive.
And I don’t want that.
I don’t want to turn something they love into something they tolerate.
"I Don't Even Know What I’m Doing"
Sometimes those thoughts show up when I’m tired.
When we’ve had a hard day.
When a behavior pops up and I’m like… I don’t even know what to do with that.
Or when a learner does something and it hits something in me.
The unhealed parts of me.
The part that wants to say: "Who you think you talking to?"
And I have to pause.
I have to push past that.
I have to regulate myself.
I have to respond, not react.
I don’t sit in these thoughts long.
They come.
They pass.
They usually show up right when imposter syndrome is knocking the loudest.
And then I remind myself: Just because something would be easier for me doesn’t mean it’s better for the learner.
And I’m okay choosing the harder path...
if it’s the more ethical one,
the more respectful one,
the more human one.
Even when it messes with my confidence a little...
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