This year broke me.
Not just as an author.
Not just as a storyteller.
But as a daughter of God.
I’ve faced a lot of obstacles as a Christian Romance Author. Obstacles I never had to face when I wrote Dark Romance. Never once did people tell me I'm violating content guidelines, when I actually was. I never had to face doors closing or projects falling apart.
But now, when I'm writing Christian books, books that point to Jesus, NOW I'm facing arrows from every direction.
And the truth...? I'm wrestling.
Today I'm looking at everything and I'm wondering:
Is this the enemy attacking because he sees fruit?
Or
Is this God holding up His hand saying, “No. Not this way.”
And I don’t have the answer.
I can’t tell if these are trials I’m meant to push through, the kind that shape endurance, faithfulness, and trust…
OR if these are red flags telling me I’m trying to build something God never asked me to build.
It’s a terrifying place to be: caught between perseverance and surrender.
Between faith and obedience.
Between open doors and closed windows.
A part of me wants to fight, to push harder, to prove I can carry this, to show God I can steward the calling I thought He placed on my heart.
And another part of me is terrified that the very thing I’m pushing for might be outside His blessing. That maybe these obstacles aren’t spiritual warfare… but His mercy. His protection. His redirection.
What do you do when you can’t tell the difference?
What do you do when both possibilities sit heavy on your chest?
Right now, at the end of 2025, I'm being forced to bring these questions into the light. I'm being forced to stop pretending everything is fine, to stop assuming I know the plan, and to let God test my motives, my desires, and my heart.
Because maybe the real breaking wasn’t meant to destroy me. Maybe all of this isn't meant to build me into a bigger, better author.
Maybe this has got nothing to do with my books or my stories.
Maybe this is about the other version of me.
But the daughter version of me.
The daughter who is so desperately wants to walk in the will and purpose her Father set out for her.
The daughter who is done being rebellious and disobedient.
The daughter who wants to serve in any way she can.
I don’t have answers yet.
But I’m going to bring these questions to the only One who can bring me peace and certainty -- Our Father in Heaven.