……….. why

In abusive situations, people use name-calling to exert power and control over their victims. It's a form of verbal and emotional abuse that is meant to demean, belittle, and erode a person's self-worth. It's not about you; it's a tactic used by the abuser.

Why They Do It: The Psychology of Name-Calling

• To Assert Dominance: Abusive name-calling is a direct attempt to gain control. By giving you a derogatory label, they are trying to put you in a box, defining your identity and telling you who you are supposed to be. This creates a power imbalance, where they are "above" you and you are "below" them.
• To Erode Self-Esteem: The repeated use of insults chips away at a person's self-esteem. Over time, hearing these names can make you question your own value and even start to believe the false labels. This makes you more susceptible to their control and less likely to challenge the abuse.
• To Avoid Responsibility: When an abuser resorts to name-calling, it's often because they are losing an argument or are unwilling to take responsibility for their own actions. Instead of engaging in a healthy discussion, they attack your character to deflect from the real issue.
• To Create Contempt: Psychologist Dr. John Gottman identifies contempt as one of the most destructive behaviors in a relationship. Name-calling is a prime example of contempt—it shows a deep-seated disrespect and disgust for the other person, which poisons the relationship and makes it feel unsafe.

Your Response: Rising Above the Abuse

Understanding the "why" behind the behavior is the first step toward reclaiming your power. It is a vital part of your journey with Authentic Glow Coaching. Remember, their words are a reflection of their own insecurity and need for control, not a reflection of your worth.

• Recognize and Label the Behavior: The moment it happens, recognize that it's abuse. You can calmly, but firmly, label the behavior for what it is. For example, "That's name-calling, and it's not okay."
• Set Firm Boundaries: This is crucial. Tell the person what you will and will not tolerate. For instance, "If you continue to call me names, this conversation is over, and I will leave." The most important part of this is to follow through on your boundary.
• Focus on the Impact, Not the Accuracy: Don't get drawn into an argument about whether the name is "true." That's their goal. Instead, focus on how their words make you feel. Use "I" statements, such as, "I feel hurt when you use that language," or "I feel disrespected when you call me that."
• Seek Support: Dealing with verbal abuse is emotionally draining and can have long-lasting effects on your mental health. It's not a journey you should take alone. Connect with a trusted friend, family member, or a professional who can support you.

Your authentic glow comes from your inner strength and light, not from someone else's definition of you. By understanding why this abusive tactic is used and by setting firm boundaries, you can start to dismantle the control and reclaim your power.