Preparing for the Holidays in Memory of a Dear Loved One: Finding Comfort in Traditions and New Memories
The holidays are a season of warmth, light, and gathering. Yet, for those of us who have lost someone close, they can also be bittersweet. When that special chair at the table sits empty or that familiar laugh no longer fills the room, it’s easy to feel the loss all the more deeply. But even amidst the sadness, there is a way to honor our loved ones during this time. Preparing for the holidays in memory of someone dear can be a beautiful way to keep their spirit alive and bring comfort to ourselves and those who knew them. This act of remembrance can turn sorrow into something meaningful—almost a form of love letter to them, woven into our holiday traditions.
Here are some ways to prepare for the season with a heart full of love and remembrance.
1. Create a Special Tradition in Their Honor
Incorporate something they loved into your holiday preparations. Did they have a favorite recipe that was always part of your gatherings? Or a holiday song that made their eyes light up? Baking their signature cookies, or putting their favorite carol on repeat, can be an act of love and remembrance. Maybe you make their favorite dish and share it with family, each person saying a memory before they take a bite. Simple gestures like these can feel as if they’re right there with you.
If they loved nature, you might take a walk in the crisp winter air or place a wreath at their favorite spot. If they were the type who loved giving, maybe make a donation to a cause they cared about or give back to the community in their name. This keeps their spirit moving forward, woven into the fabric of your own traditions.
2. Set Up a "Memory Table" or Special Spot in Your Home
Consider creating a small, dedicated space in your home where you can display photos, mementos, or items that remind you of them. This could be as simple as a picture on the mantle with a candle or an ornament that was theirs, or something more elaborate—a “memory table” where friends and family can add small tokens of love. You could even add a small notebook where people write down memories, anecdotes, or thoughts about them throughout the season.
Lighting a candle in this space each evening, or setting a fresh flower there, can turn it into a quiet ritual of remembrance, a moment to feel close to them amid the holiday bustle.
3. Involve Family and Friends in Sharing Stories
During holiday gatherings, set aside a few minutes to share stories and memories of your loved one. Sometimes, we worry that mentioning them will make others uncomfortable or “bring the mood down,” but often the opposite is true. Sharing stories can be a way to celebrate them, laugh over funny memories, and remember the joy they brought to the world. You might be surprised by how eager everyone is to reminisce, and by how sharing can transform sorrow into warmth.
For larger gatherings, you could even set up a “memory jar.” Leave slips of paper out so that throughout the night, people can jot down their favorite memories or things they miss about your loved one. At the end of the evening, read them aloud together—or keep them as a private treasure, a gentle reminder of the many ways they touched others.
4. Give Yourself Permission to Feel It All
The holidays can be an emotional rollercoaster, especially when we’re grieving. Sometimes you might find yourself laughing at a holiday movie, only to tear up a moment later because you remember how they would’ve chuckled right along with you. Emotions are not tidy, and that’s okay. Give yourself permission to feel joy and sadness, sometimes at the very same time.
Grief and love are closely linked—both remind us of the impact someone has had on our life. If a wave of sadness comes, allow yourself to ride it, knowing it’s just another expression of your love. There’s no “right way” to feel during the holidays, no map for navigating loss. Remember that it’s okay to take breaks when you need them, to step away from the festivities for a moment, or to simply sit in silence and reflect.
5. Find Ways to Celebrate Their Legacy
Consider doing something that you feel your loved one would’ve been proud of—something that, in a way, celebrates who they were. If they were an avid reader, you might donate books to a local library in their name, or gather a few friends to read something you know they would’ve loved. If they had a green thumb, maybe plant a tree in their honor that can grow and flourish over the years, a symbol of their enduring presence in your life.
Carrying forward the things they loved—whether it's a cause, a hobby, or a simple act of kindness—can be deeply meaningful. It’s a way to let their light keep shining through you and to turn your grief into something that feels active and healing.
6. Make Space for Quiet Moments of Reflection
Amidst the holiday bustle, carve out some quiet time to connect with your loved one’s memory in a more personal way. Maybe you take a solo walk through a favorite park, or simply sit with a cup of tea, thinking of them. Perhaps you talk to them, either out loud or in your heart, and tell them about your year, your struggles, your triumphs, and your hopes for the future. Let these moments be a time to reflect, to honor, and to feel close to them, as if they’re right there beside you.
Remember: Love Transcends Seasons
Preparing for the holidays without a dear loved one is never easy. It will tug at your heart in ways that sometimes feel unbearably tender. But each act of remembrance, each small tradition in their honor, brings a gentle warmth—a reminder that their presence is woven into you, still living on in the love you share.
As you move through the season, let their memory guide you. Know that it’s okay to laugh, to cry, to feel a mix of emotions, all swirling together like snowflakes on a winter’s night. This is all part of the journey. Grief is simply love with nowhere to go, but by making space for remembrance, you give it a home.
The holidays may look different now, and maybe they always will. But honoring your loved one in your preparations can be a way of inviting them into the season, of keeping their spirit alive, and of letting their love fill your heart anew. Because while they may be gone, the love they left behind will always be yours to hold.