Most people would recognise the term Black Sheep and would understand its inference. Namely, that a member of the family was seen by the rest of the family as someone who was maybe always in trouble with the law or a person who brought trouble to the family door(not always illegally). An undesirable person could also be seen as a black sheep, but also someone who may have struggled with society's perception of them. These people are more likely to be bullied either at school, within the family or at work.
I wasn't bullied at school, and I wasn't bullied within the home growing up.
The real bullying started when I was married by my stepfather and his extended family.
This blog is not about outing these people, seeking revenge or therapy for me ...it is about highlighting the different forms of bullying, its impact and educating both the bully/victim to reduce the number of cases.
I don't understand why we have to as humans fight, be cruel and not look out for each other?
I guess it's the law of nature that animals pick on " weaker" members, but of course, the victims of bullying are not weaker, just different in one way or another.
In my family, there are undiagnosed as well as diagnosed Autism and ADHD members, which makes for an interesting and chaotic group.
I believe I have undiagnosed ADHD, which has caused me issues throughout my life, one of which is ending up the victim of family bullying.
I have no desire to mend bridges with my family, but I would like them to be accountable for their actions and perhaps, if possible, change their mindset on how to treat their family/fellow man(woman)? That would be a personal win for me!
I was ten when my stepfather entered my life permanently. My mum left my dad, moved my siblings and me into a mobile home with my stepfather.
Fast forward twenty-five years, by then I was married with two children on the autistic spectrum and living with my mum and stepfather. We had, for complicated reasons, bought a house together, but my marriage was failing, and I needed to move out for my own mental well-being.
That is where the bullying became more obvious, my stepfather deliberately listened in to my private phone calls, encouraged my mum to ignore me or avoid me, even walking past me without talking to me and spreading rumours about me to other members of the extended family.
It never improved. My parents moved abroad. In the meantime, my mum was showing signs of dementia, but I couldn't visit often due to a lack of funds. Telephone calls became less and less frequent as she found it difficult to communicate. Eventually, they moved back to the UK, but moved two hundred miles away near the extended family. My mum said she was pleasing my stepfather by moving away from her daughter and grandchildren. I still couldn't chat well on the phone, and visiting was hard due to the strained relationship with my stepfather.
As time progressed, my mum deteriorated, but my stepfather refused to let her visit me, and my extended family wouldn't or couldn't help.
My mum eventually failed to recognise me, so my stepfather told me I didn't need to visit often.
I decided the stress was too much for me and made the decision to stop the visits; my stepfather made it impossible, and my extended family wouldn't help.
The next communication I had was an email from my extended family telling me my mum had passed away, and there was to be no funeral.
I tried to find out where she was laid to rest and to ask for some mementoes, but was refused.
This is a very condensed description, one-sided, and I am aware I made mistakes,which I hold accountability for, but looking back, there are clear indications of bullying/manipulation. This is unacceptable, but I know I will not get an apology, and I missed the opportunity of saying goodbye to my mum.
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