Disclaimer: The content may be TRIGGERING yet helpful.
YOU Matter! If you’ve ever been on an airplane, you know that before take off the flight attendant gives instruction on how to properly put on the oxygen mask in the event of an emergency landing. The first thing is to make sure that you are safe and secured. Once that happens, you are advised to then help a child(ren) or a person who is unable to help themselves. When I first heard those instructions, I thought that doesn’t make sense. It went against my worldview, or what I believed to be true and have been taught. Help myself first? How does that suppose to work? If I know someone can’t do for themselves and I can, why not help them first? They need help!!! Besides the Bible says in Proverbs 3:27, “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act.”
That may be absolutely true. However, if you are not well enough to help yourself, how can you really effectively help others? In many cases, a lot of black girls and young women receive OJT (On-the-Job Training) on how to do pretty much everything while their counterparts are frequently playing games or sports, sleeping, watching TV or anything they may feel like doing. She’s expected to do everything from cleaning up, babysitting-often for free, cooking, doing homework and anything that is thrown her way. Too often, this is before she’s even an adolescent. The girl has learned how to take care of the womanhood basics as a child.
As she gets older, her body changes. Now, she’s starting to look like a woman. If she hasn’t already gotten attention, it is coming full speed ahead from family members, people at school, church and wherever she goes. Her body is uncomfortably noticed. Because she may not receive appropriate attention for who she just is, the adolescent girl welcomes the inappropriate attention that leads to inappropriate behavior from the adolescent boys and sadly, from men who should protect her innocence. This trickles into pre-sexual behavior which inevitably becomes sexual intercourse. Often times, she becomes a young mother who has already raised other family members and sees motherhood as an opportunity to raise her own.
Source: Illustrator: Rachelle Baker from the article The Danger in Calling Black Girls Grown. They’re Kids by Tiffany Jackson in Cosmopolitan, September 14, 2020. https://www.cosmopolitan.com/politics/a33914453/black-girls-grown-tiffany-jackson/
But what about HER life? She deserves to be carefree, to aspire to be anything her mind takes her, to be exposed to different opportunities that life has to offer her, and to be just their beautiful black selves. Statistically, black women lead in the categories of most educated, highest entrepreneurs and most employed within the race. They are also leaders in most households. Of course, this can be debated as to why but the fact is that it true. All of this sounds great on paper and in pictures but this often comes at a great price. That price looks like high blood pressure, heart disease, endometriosis, sexual promiscuity and abuse, STIs, unwanted pregnancies, low self-esteem, self-worth, self-awareness, anxiety/depression, etc. In the black group, these important topics are rarely discussed in depth but is slowly becoming a thing. Black girls and women have been designated recipients of all things toxic within the group. As mentioned above, all things fall into her hands. She carries the load because it is expected. Yes, there are some black men who absolutely hold the mantle of manhood by protecting, providing and loving the women in their lives. They should be commended and I commend them wholeheartedly. However, overwhelmingly, there are more black women and children who do not get the benefit of being protected, provided for and/or loved. This is problematic and must be addressed.
(Source: https://thatstarlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/Happy-Black-Woman-3.jpg)
https://thriveglobal.com/stories/flowing-away-toxicity-for-a-healthier-feminine-view/
Circling back to the airplane analogy, the person who puts on the mask first is able to breathe properly and then help others. Many black girls and women have been taught to be everything for everyone while others look out for themselves. This has been harmful to her body, soul and spirit.
Am I saying that black girls and women should be selfish? No, I am saying that they should be self-full. Be fully aware of themselves, their boundaries and their love for themselves first. I am also saying that black girls and women should count the cost of being everything to everyone. They are absolutely extraordinary and amazing but should be careful to not be everyone’s superwoman. [Karen White’s Superwoman comes to mind.] Black girls and women’s lives should not be expendable to those who want to take and not give. Just like the airlines explicitly detail in their masks demonstration, SAVE YOURSELF FIRST!