Every precious thing has something different about it. You are no different.
First things first: You are one of a kind. Unless you came out of the womb with someone else, there is no one like you. Even if you did, your DNA is not the same and fingerprints are different than theirs. You have something unique that was only given to you. That may be a revelation (something has been shown or told to you that has never been seen or heard before) to you. One thing about a revelation is if you don’t hold on to it, it can be drowned out by reality and negative things that are happening now. For instance, you may have probably heard those things mentioned in the first couple of sentences at least one time in your life. But you may have also heard that you were ugly, dumb, fass, too black, ain’t sh*!, hopeless, can’t do nothing right, etc. Often, those are the words that stick and stay. I am not sure why that happens, but we are usually more likely to hold on to negative than positive.
Let me ask you this…what do you normally see and hear about the girls/women who look like you? Is it mostly negative? From home, television, radio, music, internet, and/or from someone else at school, church, or wherever you spend time, you hear not so good things about you and/or your group. Many people, including ourselves, have consciously and unconsciously have accepted that whatever happened to girls/women who look like you, it’s something we deserve. Maybe you didn’t do something just right. NO ONE does everything right all the time. We often internalize or make behaviors and actions our own because we think that is how we are supposed to act and say things. That’s usually what gets other people’s attention. So, if you can act like what you see AND get any attention, why not do it?
There are two common sources for our behavior or how we present ourselves: environment and home. When I was younger, I used to smack my lips, roll my neck, tell people off who I knew I can tell off without getting knocked out. LOL… Unknowingly, I grabbed a hold of what I felt gave me the most attention even if it was negative. Then, I thought my environment was more fun. Interestingly, I didn’t get that from my mother. Although she was raised in poverty and lived in the “hood,” she always exemplified class and dignity. I honestly thought something was wrong with her because she didn’t act like some of the mothers I saw in our community. She could have but I now realize she fought for her individuality. My momma refused to be anyone other than herself. I appreciate that now more than ever and how home overrode my environment. Thank you, mama!
In the next blog post, we will look at how stereotypes play apart in our development. I've heard girls and women say, "I am just being me." Yes, that may be true but many times our attitudes and behavior are influenced by stereotypes that were established before we were even born. Stay tuned, baby girl!
Love,
Auntie Candice