You’ve gotten roped into working late or on weekends. Again. Or you’ve committed to something you didn't want to do but felt you had to. Now you’re beating yourself up because you know you should have better boundaries, but you don’t seem to understand how to form them. What do you do?
You started your virtual assistant business to enjoy more freedom and flexibility. So without boundaries, you’re falling into the trap you were eager to avoid.
So, how can you fix it? First, you need to realise that having problems setting boundaries is normal. We have a lot of reasons why we don’t like setting boundaries:
1. Fear.
The number one reason we don’t do anything is generally fear. When you don’t know the outcome when you first set that boundary, it can be terrifying.
2. It would be selfish.
After all, why should your needs come before anyone else’s?
3. Taking care of yourself is unusual.
This point is an extension of the last one. Not only is self-care selfish, but it would take time and resources from caring for others. Forgetting of course, that we can’t take care of anyone if we don’t take care of ourselves first.
4. Someone’s going to get mad at you.
Their reaction can lead to conflict and maybe even a confrontation. You might think that setting a boundary in these situations is not worth it.
5. Doing it the other way is a habit.
Your clients may contact you outside of work hours or expect you to work longer than stated in the contract. The problem is that habits are hard to break, which means setting that boundary doesn’t just involve putting your foot down but changing an entire way of thinking.
6. There’s a price to pay for saying ‘no.’
If other people trample over your needs to get theirs met, then when you say no, you know there will be a negative repercussion. And who needs that kind of commotion in your life?
7. It’s not all that important anyway.
Is it? That has more to do with self-esteem than anything. And yes, your boundaries are just that important.
How can you set boundaries?
- Start by stating how you work – and be specific. This includes your daily hours, communication channels, and public holidays.
- Be open to compromise if it’s mutually beneficial. For example, your client contracted you for a time-sensitive project which may require 1 hour on the weekend. You could factor in this time to help the project stay on schedule.
- Have an exit strategy if they say ‘no.’ What will you accept?
- Be ready emotionally for a negative response. Not everything will be a ‘yes.’
- Don’t take rejection personally.
It is important to know when to switch off. Here's a resource to help you.
Boundaries don’t have to be terrifying. Understanding why you don’t set them is the first step toward establishing positive change. When you use what you know to set solid boundaries, you will discover peace and happiness you never knew was possible.
Comments ()