Many of us grew up learning how to ignore, minimize, or professionally suppress our needs.
Especially if you’re:
- neurodivergent,
- a person of color,
- queer,
- raised in survival mode, or
- expected to be the “strong one,”
…then you likely became very good at functioning without ever checking what you actually required.
Let’s unlearn that gently.
1. Needs are not weaknesses
Needing clarity, reassurance, rest, connection, space, structure, or softness does not make you fragile.
It makes you human.
2. Your body often knows first
Needs show up as:
- Tight chest
- Tension
- Irritation
- Numbness
- Overthinking
- Exhaustion
- Withdrawal
Needs are body signals, not inconveniences.
3. If you feel “too much,” you’re probably under-supported
People who say they “don’t have needs” usually weren’t allowed to have them.
You’re not too emotional.
You’re not too sensitive.
You’re not too much.
You’re under-nourished.
4. Needs change with context
You may need:
- More space today
- More connection tomorrow
- Clarity in one relationship
- Playfulness in another
Needs aren’t static — they evolve as you do.
5. You don’t have to know exactly what you need
Start with:
- “Something feels off.”
- “I need a moment.”
- “I think I need support, but I’m not sure what kind yet.”
- “I need everything to stop for 10 minutes.”
Clarity comes from permission, not pressure.