Okay, let’s go deep for a minute… or four.
The internet is full of: “What should I do?” “How do you feel about…?” “Hear me out for a few minutes.”
And my favorite way to start a post:
“Tell me if I am wrong…”
Come on, nah! You already know the answer to that question.
Let’s dig into the psychology of these questions and why they exist.
I don’t know if I have disclosed this part of my purpose, but let me just give a back story for my new readers.
About eight years ago, I hit a really tough spot mentally ( I am going to post a bonus blog about it soon). As long as I can remember when hearing the phrase “indecisive,” I latched on to the identity of the word. I adopted the behavior of being unable to make a choice quickly, showing a lack of consistency in my life, and that was my excuess for not producing result. Well, it produced results, but not what I wanted. Why, because when I saw what my decision was producing, I would jump mid-decision, go another way, and everything I thought I was making a decision for in the first place just went out the window.
If you just understood what I wrote, good for you, because that was for you. The rest is a little more information for those who need a little more lentils in their stew.
So, here comes that secret sauce you’ve been looking for to understand why advice isn’t really what you want—and why you don’t necessarily need the advice of others to assist you in the decisions you are seeking to make.
When you have your first thought, there is a signal of intent sent out that supports what you have made a decision to do. Then an action is prompted for you to follow through for that thought. If all goes well and you stay in alignment with that first thought. Then you will receive the desired outcome.....of that first thought.
Just imagine that there is a bulldozer making its way in front of you, clearing a path for you to meet what you have made a decision to experience.
I love the example of a person trying to get to a concert. They made a decision long ago that they were going to experience this concert and have memories for years to come. They are in the back of a rideshare, and traffic is backed up. Right then and there, they have a decision to make: keep sitting in traffic and potentially miss the concert or do something different.
I saw this in a movie, but I think it is a great example.
What could be done?
Who could help this person?
A better question would be: What could unfold for them because they made a decision to attend the concert?
That person calls someone, who proceeds to tell them that it's okay to not make it to the concert. They offer no usable solution other than a situation from their own experiences. Most people do not know how to give advice from an objective point or view, what I call zero-point .
What is a zero-point, you ask?
It is when a person can step outside of their own situation and stimulate another person’s thought process without influencing that person's decision with their personal reflection.
There is an art to zero-point advice. A person who gives this type of advice understands that decisions have to be made from the decider’s point of understanding.
The decider may need to learn something about themselves through that decision that will contribute to their future decisions—because life is about decisions. Not the right decisions, but their decisions.
Trusting your decisions based on your past decisions is imperative to your evolution. Wether they were interpreted as good or bad decision by you. You still have the experience of what your decisions can produce for you. ( Stay tuned for the blog on Other People's Decisions)
Now, let’s go back to the person making their way to the concert.
I’m going with the point of view that they did not make a call.
They made a decision to get to the concert no matter what.
They exit the car and start walking.
That’s all it takes sometimes—to just do what you first think and let the steps unfold as you take your steps.The person sees a way to get closer to the venue, so they take that route. Then another path opens up. They take that one too.
The person make it to the concert and get to tell the story of how they just made it in time for their favorite song and all the great people they met along the way.
You knew this was going to work out, didn’t you?
Why did my example produce a result?
Well, you can see and trace the decision process, and that’s what matters.
You can see the results. Results are the data!
What can you learn from the example?
Now, I want to give you a disclaimer… and I want you to lean in and read this carefully.
Today’s people are operating in a survival mindset, and they want to be careful with their decisions because some decisions take resources and, most importantly, time.
They want to protect instead of grow to where they can fully make a decisive decision that will produce progressive data for them to lean on and trust.
Why?
Because those making the decision may not have enough foundational data from their own past decisions to confidently make a decision for themselves. And if they do not trust themselves to go beyond the comfort of their decisions. Then stagnation will be the name of your life.
So, they rely on someone else’s foundational data to help them make a decision.
As parents, this is what we do for our children.
Right now, I have teens, and they are navigating newfound results from decisions that we have not coached them to make.
An easy example is them being responsible for doing their schoolwork.
We don’t tell them exactly how and when to to do it. We give the responsibility to them so they can find out how they can learn to manage their studies along with the other things they enjoy—playing video games, running a home bakery, and a lawn service business.
I am teaching them independent-dependent thinking.
If they don’t do something that produces the result they are looking to achieve, and we see that they are struggling to self-correct, then we step in and give them possible solutions for them to choose from.
Hey, it works with the two older teens.
And one is just determined to be in their own lover of their ideas.
That’s fine too.
Eventually, their data on how they achieve—or don’t achieve—their desired goals will be recorded for future endeavors.
Now, let’s get back to more of what the title says I am supposed to be talking about and close this thing out.
Advice from others can be a great tool if it is given in a way that assists a decision and does not make the decision.
Yes, there are so many variables and so much more that could be written about this, but I’ll leave this the way I received it to write.
I encourage people who come to me for intuitive healing to listen to their inner thoughts, especially when they do not yet have their own experience data.
Your thoughts are sometimes made up of other people’s thoughts.
That is why you need to know your process and understand what your thoughts sound like.
Because those thoughts can lead you toward the road you need to travel to gain the experience, knowledge, and confidence necessary to trust your own advice.
Here’s my advice… because you clearly asked for it…
Work your decisions.
Work your decisions so that you gain the knowledge, data, foundation, and confidence to have your decisions support your goals.
Eventually, you won’t need to ask:
“What should I do?”
You’ll have enough evidence from your own life to ask yourself:
“What do I know about myself, my decisions, and the results I have already experieneced?”
And then you can move on up in the decisions/advice hierarchy.
That’s all I got today.
You can listen to this blog here.
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