👀 Have you ever looked at another parent and thought, “Wow… how do they make it look so easy?”
It’s tempting to believe good parenting is some kind of magic, a gift only a lucky few are born with - but here’s the truth: parenting isn’t magic.
✨ It’s a skill set — a collection of habits that shape how you respond, guide, and connect with your child.
And the best part? Habits can change. They can improve.
Sure, some people grow up in emotionally healthy homes where good habits come naturally, so they might have internalized the positive patterns modeled by their parents.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t build better skills and habits.
Parenting is fluid and unpredictable — a dance full of moving parts and shifting emotions. But with a little awareness and intention, you can absolutely learn to move more gracefully and purposefully through it.
And if things aren’t feeling great in your parenting life right now, remember this:
- 💛 You’re not alone. Every parent feels this way sometimes — especially during these challenging toddler years.
- It doesn’t mean you’re failing.
But...it might just mean it’s time to refresh your skills and rebuild some of your habits.
Because when it comes to leveling up your parenting game, it’s never too late to start.
To help you get there, I’ve got a few simple, practical strategies — ones that helped me grow both as a mom and as a daycare provider. 💪
These aren’t one-size-fits-all rules — they’re open-ended ideas that can fit into your parenting style, whatever that looks like.
Because that’s the beauty of parenting:
- We all do it differently.
- And doing it well can look different for each of us.
And the best thing is that sometimes a few small shifts in awareness can have a big payoff.
So… let’s get started. 🌿
1️⃣ Raise the Bar on Your Playdates
It’s easy to fall into familiar routines with people we feel comfortable around, even if their lives are chaotic or their energy feels off.
And let’s be honest: if someone else’s kid makes yours look good by comparison, that can give you a much-needed (self-righteous😳) dopamine hit, especially if you're not super confident in your parenting already.
But here’s the thing — toddlers are natural imitators and they absorb what they see, the good and the bad.
If you spend time with families whose kids are wild and constantly testing limits, it's more likely that your toddler will pick up their bad habits faster than those kids will learn your child’s good ones.
And there's a developmental reason for that.
When your toddler sees that acting out earns them more attention — even the wrong kind — their brain registers that as a win.👀
If they see that doing "bad" things like your friend's kids gets you to notice them more, that'll be a good enough reason for them to lock that behavior in.
At this age, attention is attention, and being seen in any context makes them feel safe.
Then, there's the whole issue of consistency.
Being around people who give you a free pass to let your own rules, boundaries, and expectations slide isn't actually great for your child.
Toddlers need consistency to make sense of the world. When the rules only apply sometimes, it sends a confusing message.
At this age, your toddler’s brain is wiring itself around the patterns it experiences; everything they live through shapes what their brain learns to expect from the world.
And if what they experience is inconsistent and unpredictable, it can be stressful and overwhelming for their little nervous system because they don't have a lot of lived memories to draw upon to give them a more zoomed-out perspective of the world.
Don’t get me wrong — consistency doesn’t mean perfection.
It just means offering steady rhythms and predictable reactions to help support your toddler’s brain development and to keep their nervous system grounded and calm. 🌱
Hanging out with people who embrace chaos doesn't exactly do this.
Familiar people might be easier for you to be around, but if they’re not creating a toddler-friendly experience or modeling good parenting, it won’t push you to do better in these areas either.
But we all try a little harder when we’re around new people or people we respect.
Of course, I'm not suggesting you drop all of your friends because their parenting isn’t stellar, but you could try to find a few people whose kids you genuinely like and whose parenting you respect and set up a playdate or two with them.
You may observe something helpful even if it’s just a new way to approach a problem or a better way to communicate with your child.
💬 That’s exactly how I met one of the best friends I had when my daughter was a toddler.
I spotted her at a park one day.
Her kids were calm and polite (and no, they weren't little robots) and played really nicely with my daughter. But what really struck me was how she spoke to her children.
She had this incredible mix of warmth and authority, and I noticed something really different and effective in how she chose to use her words - and guess what??!
Her kids listened to her. She wasn't pushy or angry or A-type, quite the opposite, she was totally low-key and calm.
She was a Jedi parent.
She was amazing.
So I worked up the courage to say "hi", and we ended up having a great conversation as we watched our children.
But here's the important thing: When she needed to leave, she just said goodbye and left. I waved and said, "Nice to meet you." But a few minutes later, she sent her sister back to me to hand me a piece of paper with her phone number, as she put her kids in the car. If she hadn't done that, one of my best friends of that time - and best teachers - would have walked right out of my life.
So, that was another big lesson I learned that day: If you like someone, make sure you connect with them.
Over the years, I developed many techniques I used with my daughter from what I learned from this friend. She shaped how I parented and later, how I would run my daycare.
Observing her gave me the inspiration for one of the methods in my book and many of my blog posts.
The moral of this story is that sometimes, just being around someone who parents well can shift your own habits for the better, and if you're actively observing them and noticing the things they do that might work for you, that's a win/win situation. 🌱
2️⃣ Don't Be Afraid To Step Outside Your Lifestyle “Box”
If you’re struggling with your kids, it might just be that something you're doing isn’t working, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. 🙌
Because if you can spot what it is, you can work on adjusting it.
It might help to do a quick lifestyle review. Try to notice any extremes in your parenting, and then think about experimenting with a few small adjustments.
For example:
- 🚁 If you’re a helicopter parent, try hanging back a bit.
- 🕰️ If your life is chaotic, try adding some structure.
- 🧺 If you panic at the thought of your kids ruining their designer label outfits, grab some thrift-store play clothes and let your kids have some good old-fashioned dirty outside fun.
- 📅 If your kids have structured activities every night, try giving them a free evening just to be kids.
- 🎨 If they never have activities, if you can afford it, maybe try signing them up for one.
My point is: Don’t stay married to the things you do just because you’ve always done them. 💡
If there’s something your kids resist, maybe it’s time to let that go.
You might have them doing things you think they should love, or you want them to love, or things everybody else is doing, but here's the thing: Your kid might not actually want to do those things.
If you've got your kids in activities or not in activities, because of unspoken social rules and pressures or because you have anxiety about what you think they should be doing, take a step back and ask yourself if those activities are truly fun or helpful.
If you're pushing your kid to live your unrealized dreams, or impress your friends, or keep up with what other family members do, you might need to face some uncomfortable truths.
Taking a beat to reexamine why you've made the lifestyle choices you're making for your toddler might be worthwhile.
Especially if, based on your child's mood, energy level, or behavior, it doesn't seem to be working.
Sometimes, a few small lifestyle tweaks can completely change the mood in your home. ⚡
You might stumble into something your child does love or discover they just need more structure, or possibly more "downtime".
If you pay attention to the lifestyle choices that don't work, you will uncover valuable clues to guide you towards what does!
3️⃣ Get Them Outside (Especially When You’re Exhausted)
When you’re tired, it’s very tempting to send the kids to the playroom or let the TV babysit for the day 📺.
But the truth is, toddlers need to move. 🏃♀️🏃♂️
One of Maria Montessori's most important discoveries (in my mind) is that toddlers can walk or play for hours without getting tired.
I observed this at my daycare: We went outside from about 9 am to noon, only stopping for a snack at around 10:00, and in those 3 hours, the children never stopped!
Toddlers develop their bodies and brains through movement and interaction with their environment, by touching, lifting, jumping, and climbing. Their brain craves movement and compels them to move.
Their bodies have definite ebbs and flows of energy, times when they have loads that need to be burned off and times when they'll settle if they've burned that energy off appropriately.
So it's always in your best interest to facilitate getting that energy burned off properly so they'll settle when you need them to, especially when you're exhausted.
If the weather’s decent, the best solution is always: get them outside. 🌳
Take them to a park, let them run in the backyard, or just go for a long meandering walk around the block.
Even if you’re running on fumes, sitting on a park bench with a coffee while they run around is a win for everyone ☕.
✋👉But here's the thing, this isn't a free pass to let you start scrolling on your phone, just because you're on the bench doesn't mean you can ignore your kids.
Use this time for the gift that it is: It's a chance for you to unplug, unwind, and relax, while still staying connected and plugged into your toddler.
This is a chance to connect by watching them, making sure they're safe, and giving them lots of encouraging feedback. You don't have to play with them, but just by being attentive and showing them that you're interested and focused on them is enough for them to feel seen and validated.
So, no social media distractions, you need to be an in-person parent for this one, which is totally doable even if you're exhausted.
If you can do this, future you will thank you for these priceless memories as you're crying your eyes out sending them off to high school, college, or whatever milestone is the one that's going to hit you hard (because it will happen.)
And here's a pro tip from someone who knows: Turning the TV up louder won't make them settle down and sit still, especially if they're in the high-energy part of their daily cycle, but it will overstimulate them.
Then, as their brain desperately tries to calm their nervous system by grounding itself in movement and small motor stimulation (by that I mean the developmental need for them to use their big and small muscles), they'll start to do what looks like "bad" things to you. This would include climbing, touching things, exploring their environment, trying to figure out how things work by taking them apart, and picking at things, because that's the developmental work their brain desperately wants to be doing in this phase.
Screaming at them to be "good" and turning up the TV won't solve the problem. (Shoving a device in their hand might look like it helps in the moment, but it actually interferes with a bunch of different things going on in the brain at this age, which I'll cover another time.)
However, getting at least one but ideally 2-3 hours of real, physical play every day satisfies the development going on in their brain, and as a bonus, it tires them out physically, which will be helpful when you need them to settle down later for a nap or bedtime. (And that's the right time for a little quiet TV watching.)
When my daughter was a toddler, I used to take her for long walks around our block. Nothing fancy, just us, wandering, talking, and discovering.
Even though I was anemic and dealing with a heart condition, I could always manage those walks, and they did me as much good as they did her. ❤️
We made memories I’ll have forever, and every walk was a new adventure for her. 🌼 It was truly win-win.
And you know what? On the days she got that outdoor time, she listened better, settled faster, went to bed easier, and slept more soundly. 😴
If you’re already exhausted, especially if you're working with a super high-energy kid like I was, working with their natural energy cycle and developmental needs, instead of against them, can be the difference between constant struggle and relative peace and calm. ⚔️
And all it takes is for you to get them outside.
4️⃣ Don’t Forget to Fulfill Yourself
Parenting has a sneaky way of consuming your whole identity.
One day, you’re a person with hobbies and passions; the next, you’re an exhausted shell running on coffee and adrenaline ☕💤.
When you stop doing the things that make you feel alive, it drains your joy, and it’s hard to parent well from that empty place.
So if your kid does three extracurriculars, maybe pull back on one of theirs and use the funds to give something back to yourself. 🎭
When my daughter was little, I signed myself up for skating lessons ⛸️ at the same time she took hers. I’d always wanted to learn, and it gave me something fun to do for myself instead of just standing around in a freezing arena waiting for her to finish.
If you have a hobby you used to love or something new you want to try, see if you can schedule or find a way to have that coincide with an activity, you'd just be waiting around at anyway.
Think, learning or revisiting something like knitting while your kid does a sport, or taking an online interest course (there are loads of free ones) while your child goes to tutoring.
If you have a good support network, you could arrange a regular sleepover with a friend or relative and spend the whole night curled up in bed drinking tea, eating cookies, and reading books. You could even trade off with a trusted friend whose kid fits with your family well for opposite weekends or even once a month to give yourself some you time.
The possibilities are endless if you can learn to think outside the box.
If you feel so consumed by your role as mother that you can't see past that, you're not alone - and you're not failing.
But if that's the case, just start there. Start. Where. You. Are.
Just do something for yourself.
Even one small act of self-fulfillment can make a huge difference:
- Write one journal page.
- Draw one picture.
- Buy an adult coloring book and a fresh set of markers or pencils — even if you spend two weeks just looking at them, you’ll still get that little dopamine hit just thinking about using them.
- Buy or borrow a book you've always wanted to read.
- Start a small book club.
- Make a list of all the things you used to love to do as a child.
- Make a list of everything you'd like to try.
But just start.
Because you can't get anywhere if you don't take that first step.
And if that feels selfish, ask yourself why it's okay for your child (And your other children and spouse, maybe?) to have activities, but not you. 🤔
Because taking care of yourself isn’t just allowed, it’s necessary. 🌺
You’re always a better parent when your own cup is full. ☕💖
🌿 So what does this mean for you?
At the end of the day, being a good parent doesn't have to come down to some "natural" magic quality that some people just have.
What it really boils down to, in my mind, is habits.
Some people might have naturally good ones, but that doesn't mean you can't change yours if they're not working or add some helpful ones to up your game.
- When you raise the bar with the people you and your child spend time with, you’re shaping their behavior through the company they keep (and yours, too, don't forget).
- When you step outside your lifestyle box, you open both your worlds to new perspectives, new routines, and new ways of thinking. That stretch can build confidence, empathy, and new flexibility — in you and your toddler.
- When you get outside, you reconnect with the simplest, most natural form of calm there is. Nature regulates nervous systems — big and small, and watching your child laugh and play is a lovely way to recharge your own batteries, whether you're doing it while walking beside them or sitting on a park bench.
- And when you fulfill yourself, you show your child what emotional balance looks like. You remind them that grown-ups have needs, too, and that caring for yourself isn’t selfish, it’s how you stay steady for them.
These small shifts may not look dramatic at first, but over time, they can change everything — your mindset, your mood, your energy, and your child’s sense of safety and connection.
💛 Because the truth is, being a good parent isn’t about perfection.
It’s about growth — yours and theirs — side by side.
So start today.
Start by thinking about how you could facilitate one small change from each category and see if you can take action on it this week.
The truth is, there’s no one right way to parent, so take what connects with you, make it your own, and use it to strengthen your habits and grow your skills — one small step at a time.
Because that’s the great thing about being a parent:
- We all do it differently.
- And doing it well can look different for each of us.
And the best thing is that sometimes a few small shifts in awareness can have a big payoff.🌱
You've got this, Toddler Mom!
And I've got you.💛