Fear has been harbored in my voice for some time. I flutter through, even, simplistic choices as though they compact grave consequences. I perceive good and bad dualistically and objectively, however, decision taunts me. My mind has neglected being made which kept me halted at limbo.
…I am grateful to be fully conscious and aware
Of all I need, should, & desire to know.
I am grateful to be fully conscious and aware
Of all I need, should, & desire to know.
I am grateful to be fully conscious and aware
Of all I need, should, & desire to know…
Pride reels in from my gift of understanding. Things unknown to me reveal a picture larger than my eyes can see and situates in the peak of my brow. Information that seeps through baffles me, to ends bordering on mental instability. I understand what is being delivered but have no cadence to intertwine with it, rhyme without reason. The internet and books, here and there, offer a conduit for knowledge; yet, still, I slumber. Knowledge is the path to wisdom, understanding, the gateway. This is my unwavering belief. I am positioned at the gate with no recollection of how I got there or to proceed. This is when grasp of myself slips. To keep from trampling over my mind, I ground to Earth.
…I captured glimpse of my subtle body stuck in the grit of the gut, bound to grates burrowed underground…
I walk miles daily hoping to gather breath from the wind. This day ensued the same. Four second pauses every four paces collected a vision of truth from my reign. My body, extended from my own, chained me to the root of my earth. All was bound, omit my neck and head; my shoulders bore weights that latched to the constraints. This revelation taunted me until currents of desperation set me in motion. I needed to be freed.
Having understood this vision as a root chakra concern, I decided to channel directly to the root of this message instead of gleaning from impersonal resources. I needed a personal consultation with spiritually adept leaders. I turned to an earthly spirit guide. He directed me to a hypnotherapist. I scheduled for a past life regression quantum healing session then retracked last minute out of self-sabotage.
One of my greatest fears is enmity with women, the therapist was a woman. Issues with women, or the potential of sorts, nags at me so the minutest glitch of mishap devastates me into a spiral of distrust and rejecting. “Enmity with women” is a concept that has appeared consistently throughout my natal and progressed astrology charts, which at the time was, provided by Astro Einstein. Astrology charts can be a map to higher ground or a personal prison. At my lower octave, I have trust issues, trials with communication, and am melodramatic; in a later article I may give further glimpse and explanation into me. As a previous astrology student of his and current mentee of Andre Hill Jr., I have been provided ample knowledge, in terms of self-awareness, to integrate with my self-understanding. Once, again I took to Earth to fetch myself.
I scheduled for a session again, this time I honored it. My nerves quaked with fear but I went as designed. I rendered authority to healing over my fear of connecting and interacting with women. This is testament to working with the higher octave energies of my chart, allowing women to be spiritual guides, when I have adorned my light with valences to keep out of touch with them. Valences are my skewed appropriation of protection.
…Reiki is a way of life, not a practice…
Peace greeted me at the door. My nerves did not temper but turned inward to interrogate themselves. I observed them feeling ashamed to have strung at all. My valences draped at the entrance, on the outside. As I walked in, I felt my soul burst into a sphere of light and pieces of my spirit began to orb about me. Every woman greeted me with a hug. My mind wanted to weigh their intentions but my heart waned the logic of vice. My purpose to expose the root cause of my vision and to heal was evident in my receptivity of their embraces. I trusted my spirit guide, so, despite the hesitations I have between women and me, I went to my session. I stayed because the ambiance they created radiated with comfort and a call from home. I trusted them as wholly as I could feel.
…I ran nowhere;
You refused to turn me loose.
I laid, clutched by justice,
a medium for
the hands of Heaven’s Light…
A past life regression quantum healing is, in short, a hypnosis session in which you travel to a past life that has residual or significant interference with your current revolution between life and death. It is understood that we go through cycles of birth, death, and rebirth. It is understood that we are energy. It is also understood that energy was and is always and always will be and will be until the consciousness of the key and method to ascend from Earth has been revealed. Those who do not accept that reality as its reality will be absorbed to magnify the most relevant pieces of them.
My spiritual gifts had already been awakened, activated, and amplified in a previous session done for me, by a former male counterpart. So, during my session with Goddess I already sensed where I was going before she guided me. My ego rejected every bit of it. She refused to turn me loose, though. “You came for healing, right?” She made sure I travelled under and explored the depths of the roots I envisioned. Never once did she ask me why I wanted to do my session prior to the hypnosis and never once did she ask what I felt needed to be healed. I already decided that if those questions were posed to me, I would go where ever my higher-self guided. She was right on code with what I hoped for.
She traveled with me, gratitude for your presence, to a past life where my character in that revolution had been sexually exploited. Sexual disruptions riddle my soul’s sojourn, past and present. It was extremely difficult for me to progress through yet another one of those scenes because for a rare time I knew a thing before I completely understood it. I knew my history of sexual assault, not just in previous lives but my current, as well. I was on the path of knowledge with no insight as to where I was going, a contrast of view from what I’m used to. I can tally up the plethora of times I have experienced disruptions of the likes, if I can find them in the tip top back of my closet where I have stowed them away. I believed they had no bearing on my psyche. I felt released from those experiences because I never pondered on them. In fact, the last, shy of two years ago, was the least impactful. I was void of intoxicants so my body felt and understood all of what was happening; however, I was able to release my consciousness from my body during the event.
My Mercury placement in Scorpio, conjunct my Sun and Pluto can express itself as a stubborn bull concerning consciousness and communication. A difficult time accepting the progression of my session presented itself. Goddess did not give way for that. She is a beautiful fire cracker, blunt and forceful, then sizzles down peacefully; the right disposition for me. She force-fed me acceptance like a spoon full of castor oil given by mothers of past times. After all, Her name meant goddess of love and war. Warring against my flightiness was her expression of love. I received my healing, although the full picture, with details accentuated, led me to the gate of that understanding days afterwards. My healing continues, here and now, with deeper revelations populating, as I contemplate the dynamics of my session almost daily.
…Butterflies don’t burst from their chrysalis;
They fracture through at a pace of god speed,
Creating a fissure to crawl, before
They bloom and fly.
Angel wings are a pair of four parts total,
Just as butterfly wings appear…
Out of respect for my process of growth, I speak sparingly of the specifics of my deviant sexual experiences. I choose, in this moment, to gloss over them and focus on the healing segue of my journey. My first sexual encounter was at the age of six. I was molested. Only twice have I disclosed that, until now. I believe that too many people go through that for me to praise about it. Wearing trauma as a badge of honor and/or rite of passage has been a character flaw I try to consciously avoid. I have brushed shoulders with a victim or two. Speaking on it now, is a part of my release and attempt to cast my perspective in the light of another’s eye, in hopes it provides supplemental awareness, to be recalled when appropriate, while on their sojourn.
…leaves raked before autumn punctures the Earth…
The ‘person’ whom molested me, in this life time, has the same energy signature as the ‘person’ who sold me for sexual exploitation in the past life Goddess assisted me in travelling to. This was the past life, the root, of the vision I had of me bound. This was the past life, the root, from which I needed the most healing.
Her name also represents a goddess of fertility, implanted in me stimulated the flow of my light that had been trapped in my lower three chakras, chained to my root and contained within my sacral and solar plexus. Tampering with someone sexually, especially before they are adept to the consciousness of the sacral chakra and still getting accustomed to their root chakra, can and usually will have adverse effects on them later on in life. The root chakra is primarily about survival and receiving the basics necessities of life. Security initiates you into your personal power, will. The sacral chakra, where sexuality and activity are relative, is where you become integrated with your personal power; here independent choices are introduced.
…My root was pinned.
As a horse to carrot, I treaded forward.
As a dog, I snapped back
when the metal girdled around my neck
nicked me…
Shortly, after my session another vision appeared with scope of a greater magnitude. I saw me chained to my root chakra and the furthest I could travel was the edge of my solar plexus chakra. I knew and understood the vision then examined it against my journey. I could create from my solar plexus but my creations were always stifled from transcending through my heart chakra to be produced through my throat chakra. I would always snap back to my root, where all fear is created and resonates. Clarity drafted in to reveal that one of my first significant choices had been taken from me at a time I was unconscious to its relevance. This incident that occurred had lied shielded, yet very active in my life.
The chain was attached to my root, where the experience occurred. The extension of the chain could elasticate through my sacral chakra, where my consciousness of that chakra was dwarfed due to premature introduction and miseducation. My solar plexus was me at the end of the chain not being able to see my creations through to fruition.
The sacral is the gate way to creation, the solar plexus. The heart chakra is the conduit for the creativity to be refined and purified, then expressed through the throat chakra, where productivity is evidence of choices. When consciousness is dwarfed and fear steeps at the root then indecision and acts of fear are inevitable.
This has been the lack of evolution and constant cyclical bouts of my spiritual journey; fear strumming around my chakras and manifesting in my external world. Healing has led me to the point of retrieval. It has giving me the confidence to break through valences and chains to collect my personal power. Pieces of me were retrieved through my past life regressions and can now be expressed freely through the light of love for a more productive existence. Those experiences have shown me the path of how I got to the gate of understanding and a knowledge of self. Since then, I can see a path ahead. Opening up my spiritual journey through writing is the next step to evolving pass the resonance of fear.
Forgiving love
for always,
Ivy Mu
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