People often describe cheating by saying, “It just happened.” GTFOH!!! 🙄🙄
But did it?
Can someone accidentally cross a boundary, hide text messages, entertain inappropriate attention, create emotional intimacy outside the relationship, lie about where they were, or become sexually involved with someone else? A person may not have "planned" to cheat... I say that loosely! The decision may have been impulsive, emotionally driven, or made during a vulnerable moment... but let me be straight... unplanned does not mean accidental!
Cheating is a choice! I got time to argue!!
That does not mean the reasons behind the choice are always simple. Some people cheat because they feel lonely, rejected, disconnected, or unappreciated within their relationship. Others cheat because of something happening within themselves: insecurity, poor boundaries, a need for validation, entitlement, difficulty tolerating conflict, fear of intimacy, or a lack of self-control.
Sometimes the relationship is struggling. And yeah, sometimes he’s broke, doesn’t want a job, and has absolutely no desire to change… Oops, I’m sorry—I’m getting a little too personal! 🙄
But understanding why someone cheated is not the same as excusing what they did. We can explore the emotional wounds, unmet needs, selfishness, need for validation, or lack of self-control behind the betrayal while still holding that person accountable for the choice they made.
Because I’m still trying to understand how a dusty bum who didn't have a dime to his name could even get hard for somebody else. Sir, you needed to be getting up for a job application! Oops… there I go again!
Plenty of people feel unhappy, neglected, sexually dissatisfied, or emotionally disconnected without betraying their partner. It’s me, I’m “plenty of people!” I have felt all of those things, and I still didn’t cheat.
People have options. They can communicate. They can request counseling. They can establish boundaries. They can separate. They can leave. Cheating does not “just happen.” Cheating becomes the response one person chooses, even when healthier and more honest options are available.
I'm not perfect, I know the role I played, I know what I contributed but I NEVER contributed betrayal! I left!!! Both partners may share responsibility for the problems within the relationship. However, the person who cheated remains responsible for how they chose to respond to those problems.
Let me say that again for the people creating excuses in the back:
THE PERSON WHO CHEATED REMAINS RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW THEY RESPONDED TO THOSE PROBLEMS!
Relationship problems may explain the environment, but they do not excuse the betrayal. You can be unhappy and still be honest. You can feel neglected and still communicate. You can feel disconnected and still choose to leave before involving someone else. The cheating may reveal what was missing in the relationship—but it may also reveal what was missing within the person who chose to cheat.
“He who cheats on a good woman doesn’t just lose a relationship, he fumbles a blessing he may never find twice.”
— Kerry 2:9, The Fumbled Translation 🙄
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