I think it’s safe to say that EVERYONE has experienced “jealousy” in one form or another while in a relationship.
Is this normal? Ehhhh…. yes. Is this harmful? Ehhhh…. also,YES. Let me explain:
Let’s start with a basic foundation of the human kind. We are animals. Yes, that is correct. Clearly a smarter version, but still, animals at the end of the day. Our eyes are attracted to people for a MULTITUDE of reasons. This happens. It is life.
Understandably, this can be viewed as a “threat” by a significant other, but is it though? For this to be a “threat”, a complete mathematical equation must make sense first; Two people are together, a third-party has an interest in one of those people, that person that has been shown interest is willing to break his/her current bond to dive into another two-party relationship. MOST OF US only apply two of the three pieces before experiencing jealousy. Not ONLY experiencing jealousy, but actively accusing their partner of participating in that sketchy-type of activity.
For reference, it’s EXTREMELY IMPORTANT to understand this …… IF your partner wants to cheat (within your specific relationship-climate), there is NOTHING you can do about that. Why worry about it? Why create arguments when it will change nothing? Why point out tiny pieces of information that you have slapped together in your head? Why? At what COST? I will get to that…
When partners feel a threat of losing their “special person”, one of two things happen; accusatory jealousy, or increased love. There are TWO PATHS, and only ONE of them actually work.
I like to refer to this as the Push-Pull Method. You can either attempt to PUSH your partner into the direction that you want them to go, or you can PULL them to direction you want them to be. Both are significantly different.
When a partner experiences jealously, many times there will be issues or arguments brought to the surface that OTHERWISE would have never existed. A line of questioning and/or accusations can EASILY throw your partner into a corner. Well, there’s this thing called a “Caged-Dog Theory”, which basically means….. when cornered, a person will fight for the will to survive, NO MATTER THE COST. This is NEVER where you want your partner to be, or anyone. The results are ALWAYS negative and inaccurate.
In addition, what tends to happen when you put your partner into a box over accusations, is that you actually LABEL them. Now, they have to carry around a title that you have given them. This, unfortunately, creates the EXACT OPPOSITE effect that you were attempting to create. If you are your partner’s go-to person, yet you accuse them of having a “hidden relationship” with their friend from work, who does their NEW go-to person become? The other person. The friend. The person you feared. Almost always, jealousy creates an ADVERSE effect.
I understand… our EGO always speaks for us. If we’re worried, we NEED TO SPEAK. We NEED to TELL SOMEONE. This is understood. But… there are better ways to do that.
That was the PUSH part, now for the PULL part…
Have you noticed that MAYBE your significant other has been showing more interest in someone else than you? That’s not good, right? But let’s ask WHY?
Let’s start with YOURSELF. Every good answer spirals from the SELF anyhow. What is it that YOU have done differently lately? What is it that YOU can do to keep attraction? What is it that YOU can do to keep your relationship “exciting”? What about the GOALS you have created within your relationship? Are there any?
You can’t ALWAYS be the same person your partner fell in love with. People EVOLVE. This is human nature. You can either EVOLVE separately or together.
Does this work 100% of the time? Of course NOT! Nothing is 100%. However, MOST of our problems can be fixed with only ONE CONVERSATION. The problem is…. our EGO always gets in the way of having a “healthy conversation”.
Nevertheless,
ALWAYS PULL, NEVER PUSH.