In a family, which individual do you “put first”? Your spouse or your child?
This has always been a controversial subject, and after countless polls I have taken from multiple social media outlets, the results typically cut right down the middle. Therefore, there is no correct answer per se, but I definitely believe there is a better answer. Let’s get to that.
Also, it’s important to understand that many viewpoints are sculpted by culture, the childhood we grew up in, as well as our current marital/dating status.
In my belief, the child always comes first, but there are a few basic reasons as to why that is the “better answer”.
WHAT IS FOREVER?
The answer is in the question. Which one of these counterparts will last forever? The child. The answer is always the child. Your children will always be your children, come rain or come shine, regardless of any situation. However, the spouse may not always be your spouse. Especially being that the current divorce rate in the United States is between 45 and 50 percent.
PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY
When two individuals conceive a child, whether voluntary or involuntary, those two individuals have now opened the door to their NUMBER ONE priority. All other priorities must take a back seat. If you believe otherwise, you’re unfortunately wrong. As I have stated many times before, “you’re never raising a child, you’re raising an ADULT”. This child/children require full attention. They’re soaking up as many pieces of information as possible on a daily basis. Who is responsible for teaching them how the world operates? How people operate? How to interact? How to think?
The parents.
HEALTHIER FAMILY RELATIONSHIP
Many people believe that if you don’t put your spouse FIRST, your family will fall apart. Well, we can tell by basic math that is not the case. However, there is a way to create a healthy foundation with your spouse BY putting your child or children first. You see, when you make the child your number one priority, regardless of the situation, you and your spouse now share a common interest. In my opinion, the best common interest you can ever have. This shared goal creates a triangle-effect for your family. If your number one goal is to raise and educate your child to the FULLEST, you will find that many other elements will naturally fall into place within your romantic relationship and family life.
U.S. Courts use this same methodology. The standard is “what is in the best interest for the child”? Just as courts dismiss most petty bickering and back-and-forth nonsense, relationships that focus solely on the child as their first priority end up doing exactly the same. Petty issues simply disappear due to your “shared interest”, aka your child.
As I mentioned previously, there’s no perfect answer for every family, however, I can guarantee you this one thing because I have dealt with it COUNTLESS TIMES. If your relationship is currently on the rocks, there are internal issues like jealousy, petty fighting, etc., simply push all of that to the side. Only focus on what is BEST for your child or children. As bad as you want to argue about secondary issues, just give attention to the status of your child. You’ll quickly discover how many relationship issues will immediately vanish.