I'm quite sure we can all agree that there is no one that likes to be LIED to. However, the truth is, everyone lies. Whether it’s to a spouse, friend, stranger, or toddler, it happens. Many are hurtful, while many are petty and insignificant. Nevertheless, a non-truth is a non-truth.
There are many scenarios, in which, the average human lies. However, let’s specifically focus on lies within relationships, considering it can be the most hurtful and harmful.
So, why is it that couples lie to one another? I’m not talking about 20% or lying 50%, 75%, etc. There is no such thing. There is either 0% or 100%. You’re either untruthful or you’re not, there is no in between. The reason there is NO middle-ground is because even lying 5% of the time always keeps the “potential” of being untruthful ALIVE to your relationship. In other words, PICK A SIDE.
In addition, there is NO perfect way to slice this! There are multiple reasons why a person may lie to another, however, we can observe by studies which are the MOST COMMON reason and/or reasons why people decide to evade the truth.
To understand this, we must first look in the mirror. It’s imperative to understand which type of listener you are, what type of comfort you provide to the world or your relationship, and if your consequences of being truthful are too punitive. You may ask, “what are you saying, Chris? Are you implying that I may be mutually responsible for someone lying to me”?
Yes, precisely. Follow along.
Having a person in your life, especially a significant person, lie to your face comes down to just a few reasons; The person is not comfortable with your level of acceptance, and/or your line of solid communication is broken. These two reasons bounce off of one another.
Pushing the actual reason of lying (aka the ACT) to the side, why is it that this person would fear not telling you the truth? Could it be because your level of acceptance is subpar? Could it be because you judge harshly? Could it be because anything that falls outside your box of “standards” can be easily dismissed?
No matter the reason, there is a CLEAR broken line of communication. Remember, it’s either ZERO or ONE-HUNDRED. In almost all relationship issues, whether it’s romantic or other, communication is ALWAYS KEY. The reason that having someone you can tell ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING to is so powerful is because everyone, at some point in time, drop below their standard morality level. In other words, everyone screws up. Having someone in your corner that understands that goes a very far distance.
Am I implying that it’s okay to become a “repeated offender”? No. I’m simply saying it’s imperative to incorporate people in your life that you can reciprocate a straight and truthful line of communication with.
Lying is never okay, however, a person that lies should spend more time finding an appropriate match before attempting to cover their tracks. In addition, and on the opposite spectrum, individuals that are non-forgiving or are not open-minded to the fact of people making mistakes should spend more time becoming more accepting of others than dismissive.