Whew...Yesterday was hard.
I woke up with that lump in my throat, the kind that sits heavy in your chest and doesn’t go away no matter how much you try to ignore it. The kind that shows up when you’ve been strong for too long, and it starts to spill over.
I felt sad. Lonely. Missing something or rather, someone.
If I’m being completely honest, I’ve been fighting the urge to reach out to a man I haven’t heard from since February. Let me be clear, I know he’s not the one. I know he’s not showing up in the ways I need, deserve, or desire. But when you’re craving connection, even crumbs can look like a meal. Especially when those crumbs are tied to memories of laughter, affection, and emotional closeness.
It’s now June.
He’s been in town. He hasn’t reached out.
And I’ve been reminding myself every single day:
> If he wanted to, he would.
But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. That doesn’t mean I don’t miss the connection, the communication, the comfort.
And lately, I’ve been surrounded by all things love, surprise engagements, beautiful weddings, anniversary photoshoots, couples traveling together, people showing up for each other in ways I deeply desire. And while I’m genuinely happy for them… it stings.
Not because I’m bitter. Not because I’m jealous.
But because I want that too.
I want my person.
I am building and living a big, beautiful life. I’ve done the inner work. I’ve healed, cried, screamed into pillows, and prayed prayers I didn’t think would be answered. I’ve shown up for myself over and over again. And yet… sometimes, I still long for someone to share it all with. Someone who shows up with the same depth and devotion I give so freely.
But here’s what I know — and what I keep repeating like a mantra:
> Crumbs will never satisfy a woman who knows she’s the whole damn meal.
I miss him. I miss the version of “us” that felt good at the time. But I don’t miss feeling confused, overlooked, or undervalued. And I refuse to trade my peace for a temporary fix. I’ve outgrown connections that cost me my clarity. I’ve outgrown being the one who always holds the emotional weight.
So no, I didn’t reach out.
And no, I’m not going to.
Because every time I don’t, I remind myself:
> I’m still choosing me.
Even when it hurts.
Even when I want to go back.
Even when being single feels like an ache instead of empowerment.
The in-between can be brutal. That space where you’re no longer who you were, but not yet where you want to be. But it’s also a sacred space. It’s where your standards get sharper, your boundaries get stronger, and your future self begins to form.
I’m learning that being soft doesn’t mean being weak.
That longing isn’t the same as settling.
And that love, real, healthy, mutual love, is worth the wait.
So if you’re here too , if you’re lonely, but not desperate… sad, but not slipping… waiting, but not settling, know this:
You’re not alone.
You’re not behind.
And you’re not broken.
You’re becoming.
And your person? He’s not behind you.
He’s ahead of you.
Just like your peace.
Just like your joy.
Just like your next chapter.
Keep choosing you.
Even on the hard days.
XOXO,
With Love,
Echo❣️
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