Here are six habits to use for the best conversationalists. You need to have mastered these steps and practice them every time you enter a new situation.
1. Listen more than talk.
The irony of being a good conversationalist is that talking isn’t the most important piece; listening is what makes you memorable.
2. Don't always interject your experiences.
Good conversationalists don’t interject themselves into the topic when it’s not needed. For instance, if someone is talking about having lost a family member, don’t start talking about the time you lost a family member. “If they’re talking about the trouble they’re having at work, don’t tell them about how much you hate your job. It’s not the same.” “It is never the same. All experiences are individual. And, more importantly, it is not about you. You don’t need to take that moment to prove how amazing you are or how much you’ve suffered. Conversations are not a promotional opportunity.”
3. Admit what you don't know.
A good conversationalist isn’t afraid to show they don’t understand.
4. Be well read.
Be a person of interest by reading and informing yourself on a variety of topics from world affairs to business and culture. Being well read allows you to introduce ideas and stories from other domains. For instance, “When a businessperson wants to make a point in conversation, they’ll often rely on an idea, opinion, or story from the world of business.” Bringing in ideas from other domains keeps people awake and interested.
5. Look for cues.
Good conversationalists listen with their eyes, looking for body language or changes in mood that provide information about the other person’s interest level in the conversation. This can help them redirect or improve the conversation in the moment.
6. Let go of the details.
We’ve all been in a conversation where the speaker derails the topic by struggling to remember a date or name. Small bits of information add verbal clutter, and good conversationalists don’t burden the subject with years, names, dates, and tiny details.
“[The listener doesn’t care] “What they care about is you. They care about what you’re like, what you have in common. So forget the details. Leave them out.”
Other ways in being a good conversationalist:
1. Think before you speak
A common misconception about communication is that you must speak first in order to be heard. This is untrue. “Blurting out every thought that pops into your head makes you seem rude, offensive, and careless. Or, you could even end up sharing more than you intended. Take a moment to gather your thoughts and don’t worry about being the fastest talker. A good conversation isn’t a contest.”
2. Get feedback
Becoming a better conversationalist is as simple as focusing on the strongest speakers in your life. “Pay attention to what you like about the way they converse; not to copy them, but to extract some of their strengths and think about how you can reflect those in your own conversations. If you’re comfortable with the person, ask for feedback about your strengths and weaknesses as a conversationalist.” Use the feedback they provide to determine how your words are being perceived by others and what you need to improve.
3. Get out of your comfort zone
“If you’re not one who makes conversation easily, it can be daunting to strike up a conversation with random people. But if you’re feeling brave, give it a try when the stakes are low. For example, when you’re walking your dog or sitting in the back of an Uber, you can ask a friendly question and see where that takes you.”
4. Ask open-ended questions
“You can cut out a lot of awkward silences by avoiding overly simple questions with yes/no responses. So, instead of asking someone if they enjoyed an event, you could ask questions like how they felt about the event or what their favorite parts were. If you know who you’ll be talking to ahead of time, you can even do a little internet research to help identify some topics to ask about.”
Open-ended questions requires the person to offer more details and demonstrate their communication skills (for example, “Tell me about a time…”).
- What scene from a TV show will you never forget?
- What reality TV show would you most like to see made?
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