Narcissistic Mother Relationship — Most Helpful Blog

This blog post is longer than my usual writing, but the significance of this topic demands it. Being raised by a narcissistic mother has a lasting impact on relationships, as well as on the ability to achieve goals and maintain financial stability. I encourage you to read through to the end—this message is crafted specifically for you.

The effects of having a narcissistic mother are often incomprehensible to those who have not lived through it. While professionals possess the psychological insights gained from study and practice, only those who have endured this experience can truly grasp its depth. Many individuals who have faced such a challenging childhood remain silent, fearing that others will not empathize or recognize the severity of their struggles.

Maria's Story

Maria grew up in an environment where appreciation and support were non-existent. Her mother consistently expressed disappointment, making Maria feel responsible for her mother's health issues. A relentless cycle of dissatisfaction defined Maria's childhood. Whether she complied with her mother's demands or rebelled against them, the outcome was always the same: she could never win.

Maria lived in a world of isolation, her mother meticulously restricting her contact with the outside world, including friendships. Her mother orchestrated circumstances that made continuing her education impossible. When Maria began working at the age of 16, she was permitted to keep only $50 a month from her earnings, a sum her mother deemed excessive. Unbeknownst to Maria, this was a calculated strategy for her mother to maintain absolute control over her life.

Anxiety consumed Maria as she navigated her mother's volatile emotions, fearful of saying or doing anything that might provoke her anger. Punishments were harsh; her mother would strike her and pull her hair, using Maria as a punching bag to release her own frustrations. This erratic behaviour left Maria with no safe place to turn, framing her existence as one of servitude and suffering.

This toxic dynamic instilled a profound sense of shame in Maria, leading her to develop an identity rooted in inferiority—trying to deserve her existence by being useful to others. For instance, she married a man just two months and ten days after meeting him—not out of love or a lifelong dream of marriage, but to help him secure his refugee status in the country. This decision ultimately led her into an abusive relationship, from which she finally freed herself after twelve long years. For years, she struggled to understand why she had agreed to marry a man she barely knew.

When it came to her career, Maria grappled with feelings of inadequacy, believing she lacked the skills and experience necessary for success. Thoughts like "I'm not ready," "I don't know enough," and "I don't have enough experience" echoed in her subconscious, holding her back from achieving what she was truly capable of.

For years, she suppressed the acknowledgment of her own pain, believing she had no right to feel this way when there were children who faced even greater hardships. While Maria had no physical scars, her soul was shattered. The wounds she carried were invisible to the eye but profoundly tangible to her. For many years, she felt great guilt over her lack of closeness to her mother, until the day she realized that this emotional distance was a direct consequence of her mother’s relentless rejection. The psychological distortion Maria experienced was profound, deep-rooted, and often undetectable. Untangling this distortion will require time and a commitment to oneself, but it is NOT impossible.

The analogy that reshaped Maria's perspective

Imagine a large tree and a smaller tree standing side by side. The large tree symbolizes the mother figure, while the smaller tree represents the child. Some narcissistic mothers will draw their children in so close that they become intertwined, while others will push them away through rejection. In both scenarios, the trees grow with a curvature, signifying that the child will develop with a distorted perception of themselves and the world.

In Maria's situation, she experienced the latter. She was constantly rejected by her mother while her brother was deemed the golden child, always held close to their mother's side.

It wasn't until Maria stumbled upon the tree analogy that she began to see things differently. She had long harboured feelings of hurt over her mother's rejection and the unfair treatment she received compared to her brother.

While pondering the tree analogy, a veil seemed to lift from her eyes, revealing something she had never fully realized before. Her brother's choice of wife, living situation, and religious beliefs had been heavily influenced by their mother, a revelation that hit her hard.

Though being rejected was painful, it ultimately turned out to be a blessing. Because she had not formed a connection with her mother, she was not intertwined, it was very easy for Maria to move to a different country to distance herself from her mother. After a few years she cut off all contact for three years, allowing her the space to begin to heal.

Maria realized that she was too strong for her mother to distort her emotional and psychological state for the rest of her life. She felt fortunate to be the one who was ultimately rejected.

Whether or not you agree with her, Maria firmly believes that the suppression of the deep-seated pain from her childhood had negative consequences in multiple aspects of her life. She states that until one confronts and processes their suppressed pain, they will inevitably draw in people who appear kind at first, but are horribly rotten to the core and will prey on one's vulnerabilities and wounds without hesitation.

It's a new era of women's empowerment and elevation. See NYC

Further helpful blogs:

The Unloved Child

How To Get Better Results