The Inner Critic That Torments You and Defines You

You should have done better.

You took too long to do that.

Your face looks so tired.

I look good today.

You are really good at what you do.

You are so cute.

You are adorable.

My belly is too big.

Your butt is not peachy, it looks like two pancakes.

I should have smiled more.

You should have stood up for yourself.

It's okay, you did your best. 

I am not as good as others.

You have something unique.

The inner commentator operates in three main modes: narrator mode, critic mode, and hype mode. It constantly has something to say. It's like that friend or partner who alternates between supporting you and boosting your confidence and tearing you down.

No wonder our self-esteem is as unpredictable as the British weather.

The inner critic originates from the mind, influenced by conditioning, upbringing, and society, perpetually recycling old patterns into the present and future. Notice that I mentioned society. This means that some or much of what the inner commentator tells you isn't even truly yours, even though it may feel that way.

Take Maria as an example. She dreaded her birthdays because they made her feel old. This fear was not triggered at 30 like most women, but at the age of 8! Despite the lack of social media and access to fashion or teen magazines during her upbringing, Maria had internalized this belief. She speculated that perhaps her mother made a comment about her being too old to play with certain toys, but she was unsure if that was the true cause. 

Could it be that we unconsciously absorbed the anxieties and insecurities of society and integrated them into our own sense of self?

If that inner critic were to suddenly go silent and your past completely wiped out, who would you be? In this place of nothingness, what patterns would you consciously choose to adopt?

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