The Silent Struggle of Women and Loneliness

Through our work, we have observed that many women lack a social circle, often carrying silence in various aspects of their lives. They navigate through milestones, heartbreaks, and small victories without anyone to confide in.

The Stigma of Loneliness

Loneliness among women is one of the most unspoken issues, often surrounded by stigma. There is a prevailing belief that women should naturally have a network of friends, so when a woman finds herself without close friends, it is viewed as something negative...someone to stay away from. Hence, she is silently judged and labeled, as if something is inherently wrong with her.

Common Misconceptions:

She must be cold.

She must be difficult.

She must not know how to get along with others.

Admitting to loneliness can feel shameful, as it may be perceived as a pitiful or defective. Yet, people often overlook the circumstances that lead to this isolation. Because this stigma runs so deep, many women keep this reality hidden, believing they are alone in their experiences. In truth, it is much more common than anyone realizes, and each woman facing this struggle feels like an outlier, when, in fact, she is not alone.

In truth, loneliness is less about who she is and more about the experiences she has endured. The absence of open dialogue perpetuates the misconception that her struggles stem from inadequacy or a lack of self-worth, which can be profoundly damaging.

The Nature of Loneliness

Loneliness is often not a fleeting phase that can be resolved with a simple night out. By the time a woman recognizes her feelings of disconnection, the gap between her and others may appear insurmountable, as she may not remember how to bridge it or never learned how to do so.

At the core of loneliness for many women lies a deeper wound—being without friends is the feeling of not being CHOSEN, which resonates as rejection. When this rejection is repeated over time, it's not just sadness, it becomes a deep fracture in identity.

The Need for Connection

Humans inherently need to feel seen, valued, and wanted. When a woman lacks close friendships, it reinforces the belief that she is NOT GOOD ENOUGH, something is wrong with her or uncapable of meaningful connections, gradually undermining her self-perception.

Without close friends, there is no reflection to validate that her feelings are understandable.

Misconceptions About Loneliness

Loneliness is not merely a practical issue that can be resolved by reading books like “How to Make Friends,” enrolling in a yoga class, or, more commonly, seeking validation by having sex with random men for the fleeting sense of feeling wanted.

Loneliness is not about being surorunded by people; it’s about having someone who CHOSES YOU even when it is not convenient. 

If the old circle of friends has dissolved or grown toxic, there is freedom to create something new. What’s missing is not possibility, but permission that she is SOMEONE WORTH CHOOSING.

Note from Nia:

"After years of feeling unseen or unchosen, it's easy to believe that this is who you are—someone destined to be the outsider looking in. This perception has unconsciously become part of your identity. Your nervous system is always on high alert, constantly scanning for what's missing and focusing on the empty gap.

And when people practicing so-called positive mindset advise you to focus on what you have and not on what's lacking, you struggle with that—not because you are a negative or ungrateful person, but because you are living in survival mode, which requires you to keep an eye on anything that could threaten your survival, hence what's lacking.

The aim is to start loosening the grip of that identity to gradually form a new one, free from lies and wrong assumptions."

Join our NYC Women Club HERE to begin rebuilding your sense of self.

If you have children, take a look at Alice Porter's children's books, which are thoughtfully dedicated to children who stuggle to fit in.

Oscar, the Little Hero (ages 2-8)

Drop Dead Gorgeous (girls aged 8-16)