The Trap of Coming Out of Abusive Relationships

The journey from harmful relationships to a state of well-being is not a singular, monumental leap; rather, it is a gradual process that unfolds over time.

Maria's Story

When Maria broke free from a cycle of abusive relationships characterized by physical and verbal abuse, she believed she had finally reached a point where she could invite only healthy connections into her life. Ending this cycle was indeed a significant milestone in her emotional healing journey. However, she soon discovered that this was merely the initial stage.

While Maria had removed herself from abuse situations, the emotional wounds she carried remained unresolved. In her subsequent relationships, she encountered men who, by her assessment, were not "bad" individuals. Lacking the overt signs of abuse, these men appeared to be of a much higher caliber compared to her previous partners.

Despite her intentions to protect herself, Maria had constructed formidable barriers—rather than healthy boundaries—to shield her from potential harm. The men she later met invested considerable effort to win her affection. However, once they succeeded, their true natures began to surface. They became increasingly distant, subtly conveying that she was no longer worthy of their time and that her presence had become a burden. Although these men were not physically aggressive, they exhibited a profound egotism. It was all about satisfying their own personal agendas.

The disappointment Maria experienced in these relationships was profound. She had believed that by ending her cycle of physical and verbal abuse, she had addressed all her emotional wounds. It was only through these new experiences that she recognized the lingering impact of her childhood traumas.

Deep down Maria still felt as she did as a child.

She was not important.

She was not worthy of receiving love simply for existing, she had to earn it.

Her feelings didn't matter.

Her voice didn't matter.

Her needs didn't matter.

Humans, much like animals, possess an innate ability to sense vulnerability and they will go for the right prey. 

Key Insights:

1. Inner healing is a gradual process that unfolds in stages. It's not an instant fix.

2. Pain serves a vital evolutionary purpose; it is a biological mechanism designed to inform us about actions or situations that are detrimental to our well-being—it's a warning system. We must learn to give immediate attention to these signals from the very first moment they appear.

Those who have learnt to dismiss their feelings, often tend to brush these warning signs under the rug, telling themselves they are overreacting to the situation.

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