The Wrong Way to Feel Worthy

Have you ever noticed how many renowned actors and musicians, despite their carefully crafted public personas, often lead tumultuous and troubled personal lives? It's a striking contradiction. The truth is, it's not the money or fame that leads to this chaos. For many, the image they project to the world is a mere façade, a mask that conceals their true selves. While they may derive a sense of self-worth from this persona, the moment the spotlight fades, their insecurities and unresolved issues often surface, resulting in damaging relationships and a reliance on alcohol or other substances to cope.

I can relate to this double identity. When I embarked on my journey into the world of female domination, I was captivated by the power and confidence that the Dominatrix persona embodied. Much like those celebrities, I embraced a role that let me be the woman I always wanted to be. In this persona, I felt liberated, able to showcase the parts of myself that I had previously deemed unacceptable. However, my private life was not governed by this empowered figure; instead, it was overshadowed by the wounded child within me.

To truly understand my journey, I had to confront the roots of my issues. As a child, I often faced shame from my mother and a close-knit community, which led me to disconnect from my body and reject my femininity. As an adult, when men looked at me with attraction, I felt an overwhelming urge to shrink away, as if I wanted to disappear. I was consumed by shame. When other women expressed jealousy towards me, I instinctively made myself smaller, silently pleading, "Look, I’m not a threat. Please don’t be unkind to me."

I was so accustomed to suppressing my innate fire that after each client session, I found myself feeling unbalanced and disoriented—almost as if I had no idea who I was.

I became devoted to myself in the same way I enjoyed submissive men being devoted to me. I invested time getting to know myself and stripping away the ingrained beliefs that held me back from showing all aspects of who I am.

I had to learn to embrace my natural feminine sensuality in everyday life. Even when some women were clearly bothered by me, I refused to abandon myself just to soothe someone else's insecurities. It is not my responsibility to make others feel good at my own expense, and nor is yours.

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