RESOLVING CONFLICT IN MARRIAGE
GEORGE MWANGI
Conflict is the strife, dispute, disagreement, argument, and differences that people have in their marriage. Married couples come from different backgrounds, and differences become inevitable. Men and women are unique and different, a thing that makes them have a different viewpoints. It is because of these differences that bring conflict in marriage. It is important to understand that, no marriage is immune to challenges. Every marriage has its challenges. What is needful is knowing how to handle conflict as it comes. Couples ought to understand that, conflict is inevitable in marriage, this is because of differences that people have.
There are numerous causes of conflict in marriage. Poor communication has been cited as a notable cause of conflict in marriage. Couples who have poor communication invite conflict in their marriage. Communication entails talking to each other and not talking at each other. Couples ought to speak about challenges in their marriage. The couple ought to speak to each other humanely. This is because good communication is a great cure for conflict in any marriage. Communication entails saying the right thing in the right manner. When couples learn to express their grievances in their marriage in the right manner, they can resolve conflict in their marriage. Some notable factors hinder communication in marriage. Couples who criticize each other block communication in their marriage; also couples who are judgmental of each other hinder good communication. Being judgmental entails blaming your spouse a thing that can destroy good communication in your marriage. Couples who dismiss and degrade each other destroy good communication. Couples who shout at each other block communication. Despising your spouse is a sure way of inviting conflict in your marriage.
Unresolved issues in marriage have been noted as a key cause of conflict in marriage. It is important to note that, there will always be arising issues in your marriage, what is needed is knowing how to handle the new challenges as they come. Spouses who postpone challenges in their marriage live in a time bomb that might explode at any time. It is advisable to resolve issues as they come. This will minimize the chances of pilling mistakes done by either spouse. Couples ought to speak out about their grievances in marriage; this will help resolve emerging issues as they arise.
Wrong expectations can be another cause of conflict in a marriage. Couples who have high expectations from their spouses may end up in conflict; it is advisable to have the right expectations from your spouse; you should not give your spouse a hard time because of your high or wrong expectations; marriage is a journey that couples ought to walk together; when you expect more from your spouse than what they can deliver, conflict, therefore, becomes very inevitable. You should not set a target or timeline for your spouse. It is good to set marriage and family goals but they should not go beyond their ability to handle them. This is because they can lead to wrong expectations. It is advisable to let your spouse walk and grow at their own pace. You should not compare your spouse with other spouses, this is because they are very different and cannot be the same or equal.
External forces such as close friends and relatives, workmates, age mates, etc, can be a major threat to the stability of any marriage; couples ought to come up with strategies for dealing with external forces. This will help them to minimize conflict in their marriage. Couples ought to have a deep sense of humor when dealing with external forces in their marriage. Couples should set boundaries, that is agree to what degree to allow other people in their marriage. For instance, couples can agree on how to help their in-laws without causing conflict in their marriage. Spouses ought not to allow external forces to interfere with their marriage.
Finance has been cited as a notable cause of conflict in many marriages; lack of finance has been a major challenge in many marriages. The spouse who is unable to handle finances well invites conflict in their marriage. Couples ought to formulate a method about how to use finances; this entails having a shared responsibility that is, knowing who will do what with the finances that couples earn. This starts with couples being transparent with the way they use finances. Spouses who are not transparent with their finances invite conflict in their marriage. It should be the duty of spouses to be responsible for the way they handle finances in their marriage. This is because when the issue of finances is handed well, progress is evident in marriage.
Unemployment can be another cause of conflict in a marriage, this is because where there are cases of unemployment in a marriage, things fall apart. Marriage like any institution requires finances to operate. It is therefore crucial for couples to look for ways in which they can generate income. Couples ought to work hard to generate income to operate their family. No marriage can operate without finances; it is, therefore, vital for couples to look for ways to earn money for their marriage; money in a marriage can be earned by gainful employment, doing business, engaging in farming, etc. Idleness ought to be avoided; this is because an idle mind cannot be productive.
Parenting has been noted as a major cause of conflict in many marriages; rearing children in the modern world has been a major challenge than ever before; with the development of modern technology and many groups fighting for the rights of women and children, parenting has become an uphill to many parents. Teenagers and youths have gained more freedom than ever before a thing that has caused conflict in many marriages. Children want to have their way leaving parents to have their say; this has brought many challenges to the family. Modern youths are more enlightened, more knowledgeable, more democratic, and very aggressive, a thing that has left many parents with little freedom to monitor and control them. Parents ought to learn to accommodate the modern youths because where there is competition between parents and children conflict become very common.
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