We toss this word around like it’s Lawry's
“They’re trauma-bonded.”
“She’s in a toxic loop.”
"Needing people is codependency".
And just like that, we act like we understand it.
But… do we actually know what it means?
Or have we just gotten comfortable riding the definition freeway, applying it to every dynamic that makes us uncomfortable?
I've noticed digestion of things isn't most people's strongest trait.
But I digress.
So, What Is Codependency?
Textbook says:
A person who relies excessively on another for emotional well-being—usually at the cost of their own needs and self-worth.
Cute. But that’s surface-level.
Let’s be real: codependency isn’t just “being too attached.” It’s needing something—or someone—so badly that without it, you feel unbalanced, unsure, or straight-up lost.
But hang tight—we’re about to unpack this beyond the dusty old relationship cliché.
Not Just Bae & Broken Relationships
Everyone acts like codependency only lives in romantic partnerships, like it got married to heartbreak and they had kids named “red flags.” But codependency is way more flexible than that.
It shows up in:
- Family dynamics (especially if you were the caretaker or “the strong one”)
- Friendships that lowkey drain you
- Work environments where you feel like you have to be needed
- And oh yes... churches and spiritual spaces (we’ll get there)
And if you’re still clutching your pearls—yes, it shows up with objects too.
Let’s Talk “Things” for a Minute
Codependency can attach itself to:
- Social media
- Food
- Alcohol
- Retail therapy
- Sage and crystals
- Netflix
- Productivity
- Sleep (yep, that can be one too)
Basically, if you can use it to avoid life—it can become a codependent crutch.
Whoa, Shereese—you’re teetering into addiction territory.
Uh huh. I know.
And I said what I said.
Codependency is a form of addiction- a cousin.
Not always loud and chaotic.
But still deeply rooted in escape.
Think of it like this:
When we stop using something as a tool and start using it as a survival mechanism—welcome to the realm of subtle addiction.
My Personal Confession: Dolls Were My Drug
Yes… dolls. And I don’t mean cute nostalgic collector moments. I mean:
- Skipping life to live inside made-up storylines
- Daydreaming about outfits instead of facing bills or relationships
- Avoiding conversations, commitments, people
What started as a fun hobby turned into full-blown emotional avoidance.
It gave me comfort, control, and an excuse to not deal with the mess outside.
I wasn’t “collecting.” I was hiding.
That’s codependency.
So Let’s Rework That Definition…
Codependency is a reliance on people, objects, or patterns to maintain emotional survival—usually at the expense of your own evolution.
It limits your:
- Ability to deal with discomfort
- Trust in yourself
- Capacity to grow without outside validation
Pause & Reflect:
🧠 What do you turn to when life gets too loud?
🧠 Is it helping—or just numbing?
🧠 Are you using it to move forward—or to stay stuck in place?
Don’t lie to yourself. The first step in healing is being guttural and honest.
Now Let’s Get Messy: Belief Systems & Spiritual Bypassing
I already know this is gonna ruffle feathers, but I'm going there.
Some of y’all are codependent on church.
Some of y’all are codependent on astrology.
Some of y’all can’t make a decision without praying, pulling a card, or asking the moon.
Don’t get me wrong—spirituality is beautiful.
Prayer can ground you.
Ritual can stabilize you.
Belief can give you meaning.
But when you stop questioning it…
When you need it more than you need clarity…
When it becomes your only decision-making compass?
That’s not always alignment. Sometimes that’s fear in a glittery robe.
Another Confession: Been There Too.
I’ve moved based on spiritual downloads that weren’t meant for me.
I’ve ignored logic because I thought a number sequence told me to.
I’ve latched onto rituals to feel like I had control.
And listen—I wasn’t “walking by faith.”
I was walking through life scared and calling it divine guidance.
That was codependency in a headwrap.
Pause Again:
🧠 Are your beliefs expanding you—or keeping you boxed in?
🧠 Are you listening to your own intuition—or outsourcing it to rituals?
🧠 Who are you when you’re not following a script—any script?
Truth Bomb: We All Got a Little Codependency In Us
It’s just facts.
Not everyone’s going to rehab, but we’re all depending on something:
- That glass of wine that “takes the edge off”
- The person you keep fixing because it gives you purpose
- The work that distracts you from your emptiness
- The healing journey that’s really just performative progress
You don’t need to spiral to be in a codependent loop.
You just need to be hiding from yourself.
So What Now?
I’m not saying throw away your beliefs. Or your dolls. Or your crystals.
I’m saying: don’t crown them the king of your survival.
Use your tools. But don’t bow to them.
Lean on your rituals. But check in with your reality.
Follow your intuition. But don’t silence your logic.
Because at the end of the day?
If it can’t stand without you—it shouldn’t be holding you up.
And trust me, I’m not writing this from a mountaintop.
I’m right here in the messy middle with you.
Still codependent in some areas.
Still working through it.
Still choosing to face myself, one crutch at a time.
You too? Good.
Let’s keep walking.
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