Money and I have always had a weird and awkward relationship. For as long as I can remember, I was always aware of the concept of money.
I can consciously remember being a young girl and reading the novel "Money Hungry" by Sharon G. Flake and thinking to myself...I am Raspberry Hill (the main character).
I don't remember how I got the book, but I do remember that being the very first time I resonated with a book character.
Fast forward to today!
I realized that parts of me still feel like Raspberry Hill, a 13-year-old girl struggling to break her family's cycle of poverty. Doing everything she can to get her hands on the all-mighty dollar.
The truth is, I'm a 30-year-old black woman who is 6 figures in debt. One hundred and ten thousand four hundred and thirty dollars and twenty cents...to be exact, and it's going down with every random payment I make each month.
I'm recovering six figures of debt from chasing a dream that was never mine.
I think back to my younger self and I remember art and writing always being the way I enjoyed living. Creating things and telling stories was a safe space I could coexist with potential and possibility with zero pressure.
Drawing and writing were the spaces I could escape bullying, I could escape household arguments and tension, and I could escape feeling unseen or pressured to be perfect.
I could create whatever I wanted.
So, what does this have to do with money and being in debt?
This was how I chose to use my power, to create temporary realities in an effort to escape the actual truth!
I realized most, if not all of my money decisions had been chosen from a space of desperation to create a new reality for myself, so I could escape the truth of what was really going on at the root.
Let me explain...
Going to college was my way to escape the deep emotional abandonment I'd been tussling with for over 10 years. Resulting in $90K of student loan debt.
Taking out loans was the solution to escape the fear of asking for a raise at my corporate job.
Maxing out credit cards was the habit to escape the insecurities of feeling good enough.
These are all the results of using money to escape the truths I was feeling on the inside but too afraid to change them.
Why share this story?
I'm no longer shameful of this money story. I'm no longer using my creative power to escape the present or the past. I'm courageously announcing that I am financially free right now even as I face this 6-figure truth (every month).
Every day I set the intention that the perfection of God is flowing through my bank account, healing all karmic contracts and anointing my renewed money story.
Every day I show up with confidence and magnetism, attracting exactly what I need to expand my business and personal impact.
Every day I commit to the inner work that allows me to deeply transform and embody the most real, most authentic, and most expressed version of myself.
Every day I give thanks and offering for the divine protection that has kept me and my family safe from the casualties debt can create in a family's life.
I know that it is in the days of discipline and trust, blessings and miracles follow. It is my testimony.
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Hey there! I'm Jillynn Levone founder and creator of Selling Sensitive . Welcome to Money Stories, the real truths behind the experiences that shape our relationship with money, and how I'm healing my money story every single day with practicality, spirituality, and subconscious healing. This is the documentation of real events.