Why do I value this slower life so much?
I think it's because, after so many years, I realise being a nurse has given me a front-row seat to what truly matters when you face life and death.
Memories have become a little faded with time. But there were a few from my nursing student days that had somehow stayed with me. They still come to mind every now and then.
........
"You never know the full story, but you can always be a little kinder."
I still remember my first attachment was to a community hospital. I was nervous and honestly, really like a lost sheep. All the medical abbreviations and jargons, the new environment, and suddenly meeting real people whom we were supposed to care for. It was a lot to take in.
One of the patients I was caring for was an elderly lady with dementia. What I remembered most was her pinching me every now and then. I didn't blame her. I assumed it was part of her condition and that she didn't know what she was doing.
But as a young nursing student, I still wondered if I had done something wrong.
Maybe she didn't like me.
Maybe she had some reason to be upset with me.
Still, I continued to care for her.
I don't know how much she could comprehend at that point. But perhaps she could feel something?
Because one day, after spending some time caring for her, she suddenly held both my hands and said:
"You will find a good man."
I don't remember much else from that day.
But somehow, I remembered that.
(And wherever you are now, I just want to let you know that I did find a good man.)
I did wonder if those words were her own little way of giving something back.
Perhaps she couldn't tell me, "Thank you."
Perhaps she couldn't fully understand why I was there.
But maybe she could feel that I was there.
I guess we don't always know what reaches another person.
A gentle touch.
A little patience.
A kind word.
And sometimes, that kindness may come back to you in the most unexpected form.
"As for me, it came in the form of an elderly lady holding both my hands and wishing me a good life."
.......
"Not every story begins the way we imagine."
Then came my attachment to the gynae ward.
If you're anything like me, I was excited.
I was looking forward to seeing all the little newborns, all cuddled up in one row.
And yes, we got to feed them one after another.
It was immensely adorable.
Nonetheless, somewhere along those days, I also realised something I hadn't really thought about before.
And yes, that is not every birth is welcomed.
Not every baby arrives into a family that is ready, happy or able to welcome them.
Some babies may eventually be put up for adoption.
Some pregnancies happen in circumstances that are complicated and painful.
It just made me realised all of us are born into different circumstances. Some have more support, some have less. Some have people guiding them from the beginning, while others have to navigate life on their own.
And the sad truth? Some people have already lost out before they even had a chance to choose.
It doesn't mean they didn't try.
Sometimes, they really did their best.
Their starting point was simply different from ours.
Before we place any opinions on others, perhaps we can first ask ourselves:
Have we tried to help?
"If not, perhaps we should be a little slower to judge someone for where they are, when we know so little about where they started."
.......
"Don't leave everything for later."
My attachment to the Emergency Department was a completely different experience.
Chaotic. Fast-paced. Almost overwhelming.
Patients came in one after another, and everything seemed to happen at once.
I remembered one patient who was brought in because of a heart attack. Despite the efforts to resuscitate him, he passed away.
I was quite affected by it.
My first thought then was:
"That's it?" (Now writing this, I realised it was the start of my search on the meaning of life)
As in...
Is that it to life?
One moment, someone is here.
And then suddenly, they're not.
I felt so much for his loved ones.
And I remember wondering...
What was his last conversation with someone?
Was it with his family?
A friend?
What were they talking about?
Did they know it would be their last conversation? Did it end on a bad or good note?
Did he have any regrets?
There was no way of knowing.
And that experience stayed with me.
It made me think about all the things we put off because we assume we will have more time.
I'll call them tomorrow.
I'll visit them next week.
I'll say it when the timing is right.
I'll slow down when I'm older.
I'll enjoy life after I've achieved this.
But the truth is, we don't always get a warning.
And perhaps this is where my relationship with a slower life really began to change.
Because nursing has shown me that life doesn't always unfold according to our plans.
And sometimes, there isn't a "later".
So I guess that's why I value this slower life so much.
It's not because I think a slow life is somehow better than a busy one.
It's because, after all these years, I realised enough that time, presence and the people we love are not things we should keep postponing.
So,
Be kind.
Be empathetic
And don't wait too long to live the life that matters to you.
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